Happy Holidays Feliz Navidad
to all of our Friends
Love and Happiness to all of you!
Putting Christ Back into Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring - not even a mouse.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Christmas gifts danced in their heads.
A holiday Barbie, some video games,
A basketball goal and some new rollerblades,
A new Beanie Baby - the bear or the frog,
A Giga Pet - maybe a cat or a dog,
An album or CD, some shoes with red lights,
A brand new computer with more gigabytes!
And I, in my jammies and mom in her gown
Were so very happy to finally lie down.
We were exhausted, the bed was our goal.
The last-minute shopping had taken its toll.
The stockings were stuffed all with candy and loot,
And electronic toys that go Zot, Bleep and Zoot.
We hunted and searched so the gifts were just right.
Thank goodness for stores that stay open all night!
We'd fought the crowds hard from dawn until dark
And that we just getting a good place to park!
We'd hiked for two hours 'cross that parking lot,
But we were SO proud of the gifts that we'd bought.
A sweater for Mary, a new watch for John,
Some toys for the Jones kids to clutter their lawn.
For the pastor's wife, something with sentiment deep.
(Oh, she'll never guess that we got it so cheap!)
We'd shopped high and low all night and all day.
It tuckered us out, but that was ok.
For piles of presents - all wrapped up so fine
Were under our tree - and some of them mine!!
I'd played Santa Claus alongside the best
And now I was sleepy and ready to rest.
So I, in my jammies and mom in her gown
Went into our bedroom to finally lie down.
As we lay there, she asked me, "Oh, dear, did you pray?"
"Happy Birthday, dear Jesusb&and have a nice day."
"What did she get me?" I wondered, as we lay hand-in-hand..
And we both drifted off into deep la-la land.
It seemed I'd been sleeping a minute or two
When I suddenly awoke to the sound of MOO!!
"A cow at our window?" I thought, "Couldn't be.."
But I rose from the bed just to look out and see.
I went to the window and opened the blind
"Nothing there, I was dreaming - or out of my mind!"
Then I heard it again, this time from inside!!
"Now where in the house could a great big cow hide?"
I looked back at the bed where my wife was asleep.
Then, I heard something else! Twas the bleat of a sheep!!
"Something here's just not right," and I started to shake.
And I looked 'round the room for a weapon to take.
"Someone's here playing pranks, and it's not very funny."
I feared they were stealing our presents and money.
So I picked up a lamp - it was all I could find
And I went out with retaliation in mind.
As I got to the end of the hall, I could see
There were long shadows cast by the light of the tree.
I was frozen in fear as of impending doom
There were eight or ten people in my living room!
I could tell by the shadows that moved on the wall
There were certainly people - but that wasn't all.
There were some kind of animals also, in there -
They looked like big dogs and they had lots of hair!
As I crept to the room, I thought I'd soon die.
But I just had to fend for my home - I'm a GUY!
When I peeked around that dark corner..Surprise!!
What I saw..I just couldn't believe my eyes.
The animals were not dogs, they were sheep!
And I saw some men kneeling, not making a peep.
There were dressed in wool robes and they carried sticks, all -
And their shoes were all stacked on the floor in the hall.
They were all gathered 'round on their knees. I could see
Something had their attention under my Christmas tree.
There was a small donkey and cows really big.
I thoughtb&"Cattle and sheep, and not one single pig."
And somehow in all of this weirdness, I found
That my fear was all gone. Then I heard a strange sound.
The sound was familiar - it made me recall
When my own precious children were still very small.
Then I heard it again, and I knew it to be
The sweet little coo of a newborn baby.
Then the men gathered 'round my tree kneeling began
To sing songs in the language of some other land.
They were holy songs - that I could tell, although I
Could never explain just quite how or quite why.
I just KNEW, and I knew that I just had to see
Who they sang the songs for, down there under my tree.
So, I inched my way in, trying not to offend.
'Til I'd worked my way up to the front of the men.
There I saw a young man sitting down on one knee.
He looked quite mature, although younger than me.
In his eyes, I saw wisdom, compassion, and care.
And the strength of a man with a great load to bear.
By his side, a young woman - barely more than a child
But a lady so lovely, and gentle and mild.
I could see in her face - innocence and great joy
And I saw in her arms, was her new baby boy!
I was awestruck indeed that this sight I should see.
Then she held out the child and nodded to me.
"Oh, I couldn't," I thought, "that could never be right."
But she nodded again and I shuddered with fright.
Then I looked at the babe and He looked back at me.
And I knew by His look, that this thing had to be.
So I held out my arms and she gave Him to me.
And I held the Christ child beneath my Christmas tree!
He was precious and sweet, and a thrill to behold.
And the moment was worth more than silver and gold.
And then, quite out of habit, without even thinking
I just touched the palm of His hand with my pinky.
And just like any baby, His hand grabbed it tight!
He held onto my finger with all of His might.
He was strong, but so tiny and fragile, and frail;
Then I looked at His hand and I thought of the nails.
I thought of Him hanging - His arms outstretched wide.
I thought of Him pierced with a sword in His side.
I thought of the crown made of thorns on His head
I thought of Him hanging there on the cross dead.
I thought of my sin, all my guilt and my shame;
For my sin, He died, conquered death and the grave.
Though I am unworthy, my sins He forgave.
I awoke with a start, to the sound of the noise
Of a house full of children expecting new toys.
I went to the living room, still half asleep,
And kind of expected to see cows and sheep.
I could see all was normal, as I looked around,
And deep inside, I was a little let down.
The presents were beautiful, stacked on the floor.
But not so important as they'd seemed before.
I looked at my family and just HAD to say:
"Before we tear into this stuff, let us pray."
We stood, hand-in-hand, and then each bowed his head
And, recalling what happened the night 'fore that, I said,
"Please forgive us, dear Fatherb&sometimes we forget
That this day's not about all the presents we get.
It's not about friendship, it's just about You
And what, for Your children, You're willing to do.
Forgive us, oh Lord, we sincerely pray
Happy Birthday, dear Jesusb&and thank You for this day!"
T'was the night before Christmas and all around my hips
Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
now dash away pounds now dash away all
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly,
They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
I spoke nota word but went straight to my work
Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk
And laying a finger beside my heartburn
Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry-
If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
In the morning I'll starve.... 'til I take that first bite!
This could make a really nice Christmas Card!
Money can buy a house, but not a home.
Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.
Money can buy a clock, but not time.
Money can buy a book, but not knowledge.
Money can buy food, but not an appetite.
Money can buy position, but not respect.
Money can buy blood, but not life.
Money can buy sex, but not love.
Money can buy insurance, but not safety.
You see, money is not everything.
Therefore, if you have too much money,
please send it to me immediately.
I need it for Christmas.
T'was The Diet After Christmas
Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store(less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt ---
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished
I won't have a cookie -- not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
You can copy and save this next picture and have some fun with your friends or relatives.
Just print this picture, put some mini marshmellows into a bag and attach the picture to it... have fun!
Christmas AngelIt was just a Christmas angel,
Each year we'd trim our Christmas tree,
With lights and ornaments.
Then Mom would always tell me,
What the angel represents.
The angels came to tell the shepherds,
Of the Christ Child's birth.
And, angels are still here with us,
To guide us here on earth.
The angel on our Christmas tree,
Was made in such a way.
That if the light inside burned out,
You just threw it away.
The light burned out when I was twelve,
The angel would not shine.
But, Mom would not throw it away,
She said it looked just fine.
She loved that little angel,
That she put upon our tree.
She said it didn't need a light,
For anyone to see.
Then I grew up, and I moved out,
To start my family.
And, I'd go home at Christmas time,
To help her trim her tree.
My wife and children went with me,
To mom's house every year.
The house was filled with love and joy,
As we shared Christmas cheer.
The kids would always say to her,
The angel is burned out.
Then, she would smile and tell them,
What the angel's all about.
She told another reason,
For it's specialty.
Your daddy picked that angel out,
When he was only three.
My mother passed away this year,
Early in the spring.
And then I had the painful task,
Of going through her things.
The beautiful old house she owned,
Was left me in her will.
We moved back in the summertime,
We feel her in it still.
Early in December,
We brought out our Christmas tree.
I went up to the attic,
Just to see what I could see.
I saw a cardboard box, with markings,
"Ornaments and stuff."
And in it was the little angel,
That she loved so much.
I brought the cardboard box downstairs,
And showed the family.
Then they persuaded me to put,
The angel on our tree.
We trimmed the tree that weekend,
And we talked of Christmas past.
Then when the tree was finally done,
The angel went on last.
Every night till Christmas,
All the lights were burning bright.
Except the little angel,
That had longed burned out her light.
Then on Christmas morning,
I arose before the rest.
I had to have my coffee,
To be at my very best.
I walked into the living room,
My coffee cup in hand.
Then what I saw, so puzzled me,
I could not understand.
I just stood in silence,
As, my eyes filled up with tears.
The little angel all aglow,
That had been dark for years.
The year 2000
br> Twas the week after Christmas and all through the house
Not one PC was working, not even a mouse
I turned on the power but nothing was working
I grab the computer and start banging and jerking
I laid out three grand for this big piece of junk
On January 1st the darn thing went kerplunk!
When I threw it out the window it made such a clatter
My neighbor just called to see what's the matter
I turned on the TV the cable is down
My micvrowave oven is making weird sounds
My new VCR is as dead as a rock
Not one light blinking not even the clock.
It's twenty below and the peak of snow season
The furnace won't work the pipes are all freezing
This couldn't have happened at a worse time
I think I have frostbite on my behind.
I laughed for a second and thought it all funny
Then a call from my bank came in regards to my money.
"We managed your pension and savings with care
But for some odd reason your money's not there
We were Y2K ready we'd thought we'd be heroes
But regret to inform you, your balance is ...zero!"
I drop the receiver to the bathroom I rush
I push down the handle butt he toilet won't flush.
I turned on the faucet not one drop hits the sink
I head out the door to the pub for a drink
I jump in the car turn the key in the switch
It only goes click; I scream, "Son of a B**ch!"
A computerized ignition has just sealed my fate
Not set up for the 2000 date.
I twitched like a madman this cannot be true
No car, heat, or money what the heck can I do.
Shouting obscenities as I ran out of sight
Happy Y2K to all it's been one hell of a night!
Even though we don't have to worry about Y2K this year, I still thought this as too funny to eliminate. Maybe it will bring some memories of that special time back.
I remember my first Christmas party with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me.
"No Santa Claus!" she snorted. "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second cinnamon bun.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. 'Take this money and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.
I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobbie Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobbie Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out for recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobbie Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobbie Decker a coat. I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes," I replied shyly. "It's ... for Bobbie."
The nice lady smiled at me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons, and write, "To Bobbie, From Santa Claus" on it -- Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobbie Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobbie's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.
Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobbie. Forty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my grandma, in Bobbie Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
The German/American Christmas Poem
When the last Kalender sheets flattern through the winter streets
And Dezemberwind is blowing, then ist everybody knowing
That it is not allzuweit she does come the Weihnachtszeit.
All the Menschen, Leute, people flippen out of ihr warm Stüble.
Run to Kaufhof, Aldi, Mess, make Konsum and business.
Kaufen this and jene Dings and the Churchturmglocke rings.
Manche holen sich a Taennchen, when this brennt, they cry attention.
Rufen for the Feuerwehr "please come quick to löschen her!"
Goes the Taennchen of in Rauch, they are standing on the Schlauch.
In the kitchen of the house mother makes the Christmasschmaus.
She's working, schuftin, bakes it, it is now her Yoghurtkeks.
And the Opa says als Tester: "We are killed bis to Silvester".
Then he fills the last Glas wine- yes, this is the Christmas time!