A Message to Osama Bin Laden

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Well, the government finally named you as a suspect, so I guess it's fair to talk about you now. Thought you had us, didn't you? What a laugh! You did more to unify this country than George Washington.

See, we Americans had gotten sort of distracted. We worried about things like lockboxes, taxes, and who was committing hanky panky with whom. We were too stressed to reach out to one another, to sit down and talk with our kids, to call our spouses at work and tell them we loved them. We were MUCH too busy to even think about giving blood or going to the hardware store to buy and hang an American flag.

You changed all that, Osama, you and your gang of creeps. I met my neighbors in the park across the street tonight. We talked quietly while everybody gathered. Then we lit our candles and just stood there silently, holding them. Without anybody saying anything, we walked back to our neighborhood and set them on our doorsteps. They are still burning. You will never be able to put them out.

I've had more meaningful conversations with my teenager this week thanin the last couple of years combined. Tonight I was driving her to a friend's house when the voice of Lee Greenwood came over the radio singing "I'm Proud to Be an American." We were stuck in traffic, and normally we would have been snapping at one another. She started singing along softly with the radio. I joined in. By the second verse we were singing at the top of our voices with the windows rolled down. People stuck in traffic on either side of us joined in. By the time we were finally able to move a little, perfect strangers were wiping their eyes, blowing their horns and shouting good wishes to one another.

I hung an American flag on my house yesterday for the first time in mylife. I'd like to get another one, but there are no flags or anythingelse red, white, or blue left in any store in this town. My daughter and I did find some white and blue ribbon in the sewing box. Tomorrowwe're going to make a huge blue-and-white bow and fasten it to the front grille of the car. The car's bright red; we think it will look nice.

I called my husband at work today just to tell him I loved him. I hadn't done that for awhile - too busy, I guess. It felt wonderful. We are going to send some money to a fund to help the victims. Tonight at the dinner table we talked about the various charities and tried to decide which one was best. Normally we just eat and run. It was the best dinner table conversation we've had in a long time. We finally decided on a fund that's been set up for the children of the rescue workers who were killed in New York City. We'd never given much thought to appreciating all they do for us before now.

My husband and I are on a waiting list to give blood. It'll be awhile before our names come up; there are over 500 people ahead of us. There's been a shortage of blood in this area. I wouldn't be surprised if the blood donated all across this country eventually saves more people than you killed. That would be a fitting memorial to those who died.

We're sticking together. Our politicians are rising to the occasion. Rudy Giuliani and George W. Bush never looked half as statesmanlike as they have this week. Partisan bickering? What's that? Half the Congress stood on the steps of the Capitol the other night and sang "God Bless America."

See, Osama, you underestimated us. And maybe for too long we've been underestimating ourselves. This is the greatest, strongest, richest, most beautiful country in the world. Our firefighters, policemen, EMTs, and people like the ones on the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania have reminded us that we're also the bravest and most determined.

You can't destroy us, and you can't stop us. Because we're coming, Osama. We're gonna find you and the rest of your murderous thugs, and when we do, we're gonna kick your butts all over the face of the earth. You are gonna REGRET the day you messed with AMERICA! Just thought you oughta know.

--- God Bless America ---

afghan forcast

Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
A: See above.

Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.

Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
A: Duck

Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: What does osama bin laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What's the difference between Christmas and osama bin laden?
A: There will be a Christmas in December

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Every U down in Uville liked U.S. a lot,
But the Grinch, who lived Far East of Uville, did not.
The Grinch hated U.S! the whole U.S. way!
Now don't ask me why, for nobody can say,
It could be his turban was screwed on too tight.
Or the sun from the desert had beaten too bright
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But, Whatever the reason, his heart or his turban,
He stood facing Uville, the part that was urban.
"They're doing their business," he snarled from his perch.
"They're raising their families! They're going to church!
They're leading the world, and their empire is thriving,
I MUST keep the S's and U's from surviving!"

Tomorrow, he knew, all the U's and the S's,
Would put on their pants and their shirts and their dresses,
They'd go to their offices, playgrounds and schools,
And abide by their U and S values and rules,
And then they'd do something he liked least of all,
Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand all united, each U and each S,
And they'd sing Uville's anthem, "God bless us! God bless!"
All around their Twin Towers of Uville, they'd stand,
and their voices would drown every sound in the land.

"I must stop that singing," Grinch said with a smirk,
And he had an idea--an idea that might work!
The Grinch stole some U airplanes in U morning hours,
And crashed them right into the Uville Twin Towers.
"They'll wake to disaster!" he snickered, so sour,
"And how can they sing when they can't find a tower?"

The Grinch cocked his ear as they woke from their sleeping,
All set to enjoy their U-wailing and weeping,
Instead he heard something that started quite low,
And it built up quite slow, but it started to grow--
And the Grinch heard the most unpredictable thing...
And he couldn't believe it--they started to sing!

He stared down at U-ville, not trusting his eyes,
What he saw was a shocking, disgusting surprise!
Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any towers at all!
He HADN'T stopped U-Ville from singing! It sung!
For down deep in the hearts of the old and the young,
Those Twin Towers were standing, called Hope and called Pride,
And you can't smash the towers we hold deep inside.

So we circle the sites where our heroes did fall,
With a hand in each hand of the tall and the small,
And we mourn for our losses while knowing we'll cope,
For we still have inside that U-Pride and U-Hope.

For America means a bit more than tall towers,
It means more than wealth or political powers,
It's more than our enemies ever could guess,
So may God bless America! Bless us! God bless!

angry eagle

Subject: eleven

You may have seen the email going around for the past few weeks about the number "11" but have you seen David Pawson's response? I don't know who David is, but his response is great!

Original email:

The date of the attack was 9/11 -- 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
9/11 is the 254th day of the year -- 2 + 5 + 4 = 11
After 9/11 there are 111 days left in the year
The Twin Towers, side by side, looked like number 11
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11
New York State -- The 11th state added to the Union
New York City -- 11 Letters
The Pentagon -- 11 Letters
Afghanistan -- 11 Letters
Flight 11 -- 92 on board -- 9 + 2 = 11
Flight 77 -- 65 on board -- 6 + 5 = 11

David's response:

Oh my God! How worried should I be? There are 11 letters in the name "David Pawson!" I'm going into hiding NOW! See you in a few weeks. Wait a sec... I just realized "YOU CAN'T HIDE" also has 11 letters! What am I gonna do? Help me!!! The terrorists are after me! ME! I can't believe it! Oh crap, there must be someplace on the planet Earth I could hide! But no..."PLANET EARTH" has 11 letters, too! Maybe Nostradamus can help me. But dare I trust him? There are 11 letters in "NOSTRADAMUS." I know, the Red Cross can help. No they can't... 11 letters in "THE RED CROSS," can't trust them. I would rely on self defense, but "SELF DEFENSE" has 11 letters in it, too! Can someone help? Anyone? If so, send me email. No, don't... "SEND ME EMAIL" has 11 letters.... Will this never end? I'm going insane! "GOING INSANE?" Eleven letters!! Nooooooooooo.... I guess I'll die alone, even though "I'LL DIE ALONE" has 11 letters..... Oh my God, I just realized that America is doomed! Our Independence Day is July 4th... 7/4 -- 7 + 4 = 11....


PS. "IT'S BULLSHIT" has 11 letters also.

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What's Next

All of the rubble from New York ... all the huge blocks of concrete and steel, the old busted up computers, refrigerators, hot water heaters, air conditioners, fire trucks, broken glass, etc., should be shoveled into C130's and C5A's, flown over Iraq and Afghanistan and dropped from 32,000 feet.

A Frigidaire can do a heck of a lot of damage from 5 miles up. With each assault, we can drop pamphlets:
"Greetings, from the 110th floor of the World Trade Center!"
The next day it would read, "...from the 109th floor..."
Then the 108th, etc., etc.
After 110 days of this, I can't imagine there would be much left standing on the ground.

Can't you just see the headlines:

What wonderful irony this would be, and think how much money we wouldn't have to spend on new bombs or missiles! Not to mention the 100-million tons diverted from the New York City landfill.

Mommy Liberty


The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and structures destroyed. Let's say that you're a photographer and getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. You come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by the flood waters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb. So, here's the question and think carefully before you answer the question below:

Which lens would you use?

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Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toliet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business.

I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked. So it must be true.

pee on bin laden bin laden tp
Pee on Bin Laden or wipe your ass with his face!

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Subject: A Tribute to the USA ~ from a CANADIAN Newspaper

This, from a Canadian newspaper, is worth sharing.

America: The Good Neighbor

Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record:

"This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth. Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States. When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.

When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.

The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, war-mongering Americans. I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes? Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman on the moon?

You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon-not once, but several times-and safely home again. You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.

When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke. I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don't think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake. Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those."

Stand proud, America!


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Just Think:

You know, it's funny. I remember very vividly the Oliver North hearings, but did not recall the name of Osama bin Laden as the terrorist that North was threatened by. Has this slimeball been around that long?. It's pretty evident, in hindsight that we should have listened to OLLIE!

I was at a UNC lecture the other day where they played a video of Oliver North during the Iran-Contra deals during the Reagan administration. I was only 14 back then but was surprised by this particular clip.

There was Olie in front of God and Country getting the third degree. But what he said stunned me. He was being drilled by some senator I didn't recognize who asked him; 'Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home security system?'
Oliver replied, 'Yes I did sir.'
The senator continued, trying to get a laugh out of the audience, 'Isn't this just a little excessive?'
'No sir,' continued Oliver.
'No. And why not?'
'Because the life of my family and I were threatened.'
'Threatened? By who.'
'By a terrorist, sir.'
'Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you that much?'
'His name is Osama bin Laden.'
At this point the senator tried to repeat the name, but couldn't pronounce it, which most people back then probably couldn't. A couple of people laughed at the attempt. Then the senator continued.
'Why are you so afraid of this man?'
'Because sir, he is the most evil person alive that I know of.'
'And what do you recommend we do about him?'
'If it were me I would recommend an assassin team be formed to eliminate him and his men from the face of the earth.'
The senator disagreed with this approach and that was all they showed of the clip.

It's scary when you think 15 years ago the government was aware of Osama bin Laden and his potential threat to the security of the world. I guess like all great tyrants they start small but if left untended spread like the virus they truly are.


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This says it all !!

< p>Now I'm still only a Resident Alien, not an American Citizen, but I agree with this 100 %. Monika

In an "act of tolerance" the head of the public library at Florida Gulf Coast University ordered all "Proud to be an American" signs removed so as to not offend international students. I, for one, am quite disturbed by these actions of so-called American citizens; and I am tired of this nation worrying about whether or not we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on September 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled in New York and Washington D.C. when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. In fact, our country's population is almost entirely comprised of descendants of immigrants; however, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some native Americans, need to understand.

First of all, it is not our responsibility to continually try not to offend you in any way. This idea of America being a multi-cultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language, and our own lifestyle. This culture, called the "American Way" has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. Our forefathers fought, bled, and died at places such as Bunker Hill, Antietam, San Juan, Iwo Jima, Normandy, Korea, Vietnam.

We speak English, not Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society - learn our language!

"In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some off-the-wall, Christian, Right Wing, political slogan - it is our national motto. It is engraved in stone in the House of Representatives in our Capitol and it is printed on our currency. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation; and this is clearly documented throughout our history. If it is appropriate for our motto to be inscribed in the halls of our highest level of Government, then it is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.

God is in our pledge, our National Anthem, nearly every patriotic song, and in our founding documents. We honor His birth, death, and resurrection as holidays, and we turn to Him in prayer in times of crisis. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture and we are proud to have Him.

We are proud of our heritage and those who have so honorably defendedour freedoms. We celebrate Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Flag Day. We have parades, picnics, and barbecues where we proudly wave our flag. As an American, I have the right to wave my flag, sing my national anthem, quote my national motto, and cite my pledge whenever and wherever I choose. If the Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.

The American culture is our way of life, our heritage, and we are proud of it. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. We are Americans, like it or not, this is our country, our land, and our lifestyle.

Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion about our government, culture, or society, and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our flag, our pledge, our national motto, or our way of life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great American freedom, the right to leave.

come out

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The war on terrorism took a strange and sad turn Friday when airline officials at O'Hare International Airport refused to let a 73-year-old grandmother board her plane as she had in her possession two six-inch knitting needles. Apparently authorities were worried that she might knit an Afghan.


Alert! Alert!
News services are reporting that Osama bin Laden has been captured by U.S. Special Forces. In a covert operation, the entire country of Afghanistan was sprayed with Viagra and the little prick popped right up!

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Bush is tired of waiting to get his hands on Osama bin Laden and went undercover to find him himself.

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The President has asked that we unite for a common cause. Since the hard-line Islamic terrorists cannot stand nudity, and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not their wife. Tonight at 7:00 PM, all women are asked to run outside naked to help weed out the terrorists. The United States appreciates your efforts, and applauds you!


Bill Clinton


Claim: A photograph captured an unlucky tourist posing on the observation deck of a World Trade Center tower seconds before a hijacked airliner smashed into the building. We've seen thousands of pictures concerning the attack. However, this one will make you cringe. . . the camera was found in the rubble!!

Status: False.

Origins: A grim sense of humor and digital photo manipulation skills can produce some interesting results these days:

Aside from all the digital imperfections in this image (such as shadows not matching reflections), a number of logistical errors make the picture suspect beyond credibility:

September 11 was warm and sunny, not the type of day on which a tourist would have been decked out in a winter coat and hat.

The airliner in this picture is approaching from the north and would therefore have been the one which hit the north tower of the World Trade Center (WTC1), but WTC1 did not have an outdoor observation deck. WTC2 (the south tower) included an indoor observation deck on the 107th floor and an outdoor deck above the 110th floor, but WTC1 housed only Windows on the World, an indoor restaurant with a magnificent view of the city but no outdoor deck.

The operating hours in September for the WTC2 observatories were 9:30 A.M. to 9:30 P.M., meaning they opened too late for a tourist to have been present on one before the first plane hit at 8:49 A.M.

The aircraft shown is a Boeing 757 bearing American Airline markings, but Flight 11, the only American flight to crash into the World Trade Center, was a 767.

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Osama Bin Laden,your time is short;
We'd rather you die, than come to court.
Why are you hiding if it was in God's name?
You're just a punk with a turban; a pathetic shame.

I have a question, about your theory and laws;
"How come YOU never die for the cause?"
Is it because you're a coward who counts on others?
Well here in America,we stand by our bothers.

As is usua, you failed in your mission;
If you expected pure choas, you can on wishin'
Americans are now focused and stonger than ever;
Your death has come oue next endeavor.

What you tried to kill, doesn't live in our walls;
It's not in buildings or shopping malls.
If all of our strucyures came crashing down;
It would still be there, safe and sound.

Because pride and courage can't be destroyed;
Even if the towers leave a deep void.
We'll band together and fill the holes
We'll bury our dead and bless their souls.

But then our energy will focus on you;
And you'll feel the wrath of the Red,White and Blue.
So slither and hide like a snake in the grass;
Because America's coming to kick your ass!!!!

holy war


Here's a good idea for a new secret weapon. This is a Win-Win idea, it will help win the War on Terrorist and help Iowa Farmers.

If we put a baby pig on every airline flight then all suicide terrorists would abort their missions as they would not want their souls to go to hell.

What we do is design a small air drop crate and parachute. Go around Iowa and buy up all the piglets that can be found. Put little coats on them with a "Osoma Sucks" sticker, written in Arabic of course. Air drop these little dudes by the thousands all over Afghanistan. It'll be "pigs everywhere", in their tunnels, mosques, huts, homes, ect... Why even the pig poop will contaminate the country side for years to come.

They are also adamantly opposed to alcohol, thus we spike their water supply with a few thousand gallons of moonshine, get them drunk and turn the pigs loose. The war would be over in a weekend.

This will cause such chaos, the Special Operations Troops can come in, mop up and have a babyback rib BBQ with the remaining Christians in country and come home. It will be known as Operation Iowa Pig Drop (OIPD).

The swine farmers will love it.

Oink oink.

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Twas the Night Before Ramadan

Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave
Not a creature was stirring; it felt like a grave.
The turbans were hung by the firepit with care,
In hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.

The soldiers were restless without any beds,
While visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
Osama in his burkha and I in my goatskin cap,
Had just settled down for a cold, barren winter's nap,

When out on the ledge there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
Away from the racket I ran like a girl,
Tripped over a goat; into a ball I did curl.

The moon shone down on the new-fallen snow
And lit up the valley with an ominous glow,
When, what to my one good eye should appear,
But a dozen Apaches, and tanks in the rear.

And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push,
I knew in an instant it must be George Bush.
More rapid than eagles his forces they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called out our names;

"Now Omar! Osama! Muhammad! Abdul!
We come for you now; we've taken Kabul!
To the top of the cliffs! To the back of their caves!
When you chose this war, you dug your own graves!"

As the dry leaves that before the assault choppers fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, light up the sky.
So up to the ledge his forces they flew
With full magazines, and flamethrowers too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a thud
The explosions of Tomahawks; not one was a dud.
As I chambered my rifle, and was turning around,
Osama was there, disguised in a gown.

He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes,
And he said he would flee while I held off his foes;
A bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack,
He said "I'm going to Baghdad and I'm not looking back!"

His eyes were all glassy; he trembled with fear;
The American bombs, they rang in his ears.
He saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled,
But a Marine Corps sniper got him in the head.

I watched with cold fear as his body did slump;
The goat threw him off; he fell with a thump.
And so, there I stood, my plans all destroyed,
About to suffer a fate I could not avoid;

I dropped to my knees; asked Allah for help,
His voice boomed in my ears, "You ignorant whelp!
I gave you the Bible, the Torah and Koran,
But you were too arrogant to understand,

I told you to honor your neighbors and wives;
Not to enslave them, or degrade their lives!
You invoke My name to sanction your deeds,
But you are the last thing that this world needs.

And so, I'll send you and bin Laden to Hell."
The last words I heard, as the bombs fell,
Were from George Bush himself as he mounted the wall,
"One nation, under God, liberty and justice for all!"

Written by Jack Falbey.
Inspired by the spirit of freedom.

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