June 29th, 2011
Holy cow!!! Didn't realize I hadn't written in my diary at all. I've been so busy it's unbelievable. I should write about the Tornado though. We had a Tornado in La Crosse. It was pretty scary. We lost our roof and we weren't even in the path of the Tornado, just on the outskirts and the wind and hail did a number on our house. By now we have a brand new metal roof on our house and it looks beautiful. The guy is working on the inside to get our water damage to disappear and make it look like it was. in the meantime it's getting a bit more beautified, cause they're doing stuff that was done by me before and now it's getting done profesisonally. yeah! Tomorrow they're starting on the garage, kitchen and sunroom roof. They should finish them tomorrow too. The garage is going to be completely re-sided and the house has some holes in the siding that's gonna be taken care of. They're going to close off the sun-room and put storm windows in it and I'm going to finish off the floor and the ceiling in there so we can finally buy our jaccuzzi this winter. I'm soooo looking forward to that. Our vehicles are both being paid off cause the roof slid on top of the van and then on the car and they were both damaged from the hail. We put a new mirror on the car and gonna put another 300 bucks in it for the hood and some touch up paint and we'll have two decent vehicles that are paid off. Yeah! I'm also getting a new shed cause the old one got damaged by the hail and it's a resin shed instead of metal which will look nice in the front yard. I'll keep the metal one in the back yard for the lawn mower and other lawn tools. The new shed will be for all the bikes and strollers and stuff. Ok, that's the Tornado damage. This spring I bought a green house and it's awesome. I can't believe the stuff is growing like it is. I guess I have a green thumb after all!!! I have decided not to go back to school anymore. At least not for a year or two. It's just so busy around here, I want to be done with all the stuff that I want to get done. It's not easy! I still want to do the kitchen (my last room in the house) and I have to clean out the garage (well finish cleaning it). Oh, we bought an old Motorhome too. Donny is wanting to fix it up all good. It looks nice on the inside, just has engine problems. I want to sell the camper at our land now that we have that~! I have a puppy. We bought a Teddybear! It's a Shih-tzu/Bichon Frise mix and he's gorgeous. I also put an application in for chickens. I already picked out my chicken coop, just have to get half of my neighbors to sign the application. Benji is still awesome. He's 4 now and smarter than ever. It's gonna be hard seeing him off to preschool this year, but I'm also looking forward to it, cause he will love it and make friends and I will have the time to do some other things here. Right now I'm trying to get him used to classes by having him enrolled in a few YMCA classes. He goes to dance on Mondays, Music moves me and swimming on Tuesdays, Y club on Thursdays and Gymnastics on Sundays. He likes it all except for swimming lessons. I tell him he has to go cause I want him to learn how to swim, so he doesn't drown when we start going to the lake again. Nuggles (our new dog) reminds me so much of Cuddles, the doggie I had in Salt Lake City. She was so sweet! I miss doing Karaoke. One day I will have an "Ultimate Razmataz Karaoke Revival". Benji is still not able to go to sleep without me being there, so it won't work quite yet. Maybe next year. STill same old same old with Jessica... lazy and not wanting to do anything with her life. I so hope she will end up getting a job and be something instead of just another Theresa!! I'm pretty sure that Emily will get a job and she'll be a good Mom too I think. Tydon will probably go to college. He has a goal...if he can keep his emotions in check. I'm glad that I have the half mark passed me. I've been their Mom for 9 years now and only 7 more to go before each one of them is out of the house. ONly 3 years before Jessica will graduate High School. It really makes me feel good thinking that I've accomplished 9 years of raising them. Well, I think that's about all the news I can think of.

July 8th, 2011
I care too much! I mean about Jessica! I'm not sure what she is, but she IS all messed up in the head!! Last night I caught her on the computer...well, I really didn't... she was hovered behind the chair by the front door with a blanket over her, trying to hide from me. But I was going outside with Nuggles so I saw her and ask her what she was doing and she said in a quivering voice "Waiting for Daddy!" Thinking about her state of mind two days ago (depressed), I was thinking she had another Bipolar episode and said "At 3 in the morning? Go to bed and tomorrow you're starting on meds again!". She said ok and left and I let the dog out. Then it occured to me that the computer wasn't in sleep mode, so I went back in and looked at the history. Yup, she was on facebook. Not only that, but she was talking to her boyfriend Josiah and another boy and she was looking at Porn images. She was on adult friend finder and she was talking about being horny and wanting to sneak out and meet Josiah in the park. Josiah told her he wouldn't do that. Anyway, I thought I didn't see her in bed, so I thought she actually snuck out. I couldn't sleep all night. Then I started to think of what she will do when she finds out she's gonna be grounded from the internet for a month and that she won't be able to go anywhere or see anybody. I'm hoping she's not retalliating and calling the cops on me again like she did at school that one time when she said I hit her when I didn't even lay a hand on her. I have not spanked any of them since that time she kicked me because of fear of her saying I abuse her. NO parent should have to live in constant fear that her child will say something to a cop that could jeapordize the whole families existence. I can't believe she did it back then, but I now know she has it in her. And I don't understand why she would do something like that. I know they say that for a parent to say a child is evil means that they're abusing the child, but there's definitely something wrong with Jessica that she could look a cop in the eyes and tell him I hit her in the face when I never even laid a hand on her. Same with telling me that she is waiting for her Dad in a quivering voice, like she is scared, or upset when she just totally lied about that. I don't know what to do with her anymore. I don't believe I can teach her to be decent. Now she seems to want to have sex and possibly getting pregnant... I'm NOT wanting to raise another child!!! Oh how I can't wait till she's 18!!! Lying, thiefing and who knows what else. Ok, enough rambling. That said, Emily and Tydon are really doing good, even without meds. And of course I love my little Benji to death! He's keeping me in balance with all that crap. He suffers too though, by the way he's treated. I do have to say that Emily is definitely a little too bossy with him (Tydon too to a point), yelling at him for stuff I would allow and stuff, but overall..they're both pretty decent. I've got paperwork started on getting a few chickens to raise. I'm reading a book about it right now, so I know what I'm getting myself in to. We've had a little dog for almost two weeks now. His name is Nuggles and he's a Teddybear (a mix between Shih-tzu and Bichon Frise). He's almost 12 weeks old now. He's adorable and very smart!!! It's just about a zoo in my house again. I think the animals keep me grounded (along with Benji). So we now have a hamster, a guinea pig, a dog and two cats. Soon we'll have 2 or 3 chickens. Now I just need a goat...roflmao (I don't think they would let me keep a goat in my back yard). Well, I better get back to cleaning the outside.. I'm soooo behind!!!

July 29th, 2011
Well, puppy is now almost house broken. He still has some accidents, but not much. And he sleeps 4 - 6 hours at night. He's just adorable. I'm still behind in everything, but then what else is new. I'm going to work on my website again to try to get that back to normal. I am also working on putting the shed up at the side of the house, so I can get some of the stuff out of the garage... so I guess little by little I'm working on getting things done. I'm doing it slowly cause otherwise I'll just hurt myself again. A little bit on each project will give me the variety my body needs I guess. I'm also working on epoxying my sunroom so we can put a jaccuzzi in it come winter. I can't wait for that!!! All three kids are on meds again now... A lot can happen in 3 weeks I guess. Tydon went poor poor pittyful me on us and Emily just got really nasty and lazy and started stealing again. Oh how wonderful live as a mother of Bipolars is...lol. It'll be all back to normal come September though. And Benji is going to start school.. I still find it hard to believe that my Baby is going to go to school....waaaah! I talked to Paul via e-mail again... he's so stuck in the past. Don't know what to do... leave it be or keep talking.. Then Willy found me on facebook. It's good to talk to him. I guess it's a libra thing..lol. I miss the walks with Lisa. However, I've lost 11 pounds now.. I think it's only been 5 weeks since I started losing. As long as I lose though I don't care if I lose a quarter pound a week... it's the right direction!!! I want to start doing some tap or Jazz at the YMCA... I miss my dancing. I miss my singing too. I got Donny the biggest Birthday gift I ever given him. He's getting a new air conditioner in his car. He also got a ham radio and a microphone.

September 2nd, 2011
Another storm hit La Crosse. I don't feel safe here anymore. It wasn't so bad for us this time around since it wasn't a Tornado, but strong winds, but it was still scary as hell. I woke up from rain pouding on my window. When I looked outside, I seen the sky being that messed up colour like it was the last time... then I saw that tree swaying back and forth in Betty's yard. Benji was sleeping. I wanted to get the weather radio, but was too afraid to leave Benji alone upstairs.. then the wind died down just a tad and I raced downstairs just to find the alarm in the van going off, so I grabbed the radio and the key and was trying to turn the alarm off and turn the radio on at the same time while racing back up the stairs. The radio didn't say anything about a Tornado, so I started to concentrate on the van. Then Benji woke up and since he was awake anyway (and shaking like a leaf cause he was scared of the storm) we went downstairs and I figured out the van alarm. Then I looked online about the weather and back outside. That's when I noticed our tree lost a limb. Shit was all over the yard. NO!NO!NO! I want to feel safe again. This is just not the way La Crosse is supposed to be!!! There are trees down again everywhere. People have them in their yard and they lay across the streets. This time around I don't think there will be as much damage than the last time, but there IS damage... probably more emotional than monetary... I'm sad!

On a different note.. we're going to the Twin Cities and the Mall of America today. It's a mini-vacation - 4 days. Just Benji, Donny, Tydon and me. IT's going to be wonderful. I'm looking forward to the shopping and relaxing. It couldn't come at a better time.. after this crap, relaxing is much needed!

Benji started school yesterday. I think he really liked it. It's gonna be hard seeing him off on the school bus Tuesday. My Baby is going to school!!!