March 7th, 2008
I can't believe I haven't entered anything in 2008 yet. Benji has been advancing so fast it is unbelievable. He is walking since he was 9 months old and he is starting to talk. He acts like a 15 to 18 months old child, not like an 11 months old. He is advancing more and more. When he was 6 months old he was only 2 months ahead, now he's about 5 months ahead of the game. You can tell he's smart. He is so hungry to know everything and to do everything on his own it's hard to keep up with him sometimes. He is also a ham. He likes the camera and he poses readily. He still sleeps with us and he's still nursing. He doesn't eat solids as readily as others his age, but if that's all, who cares! He's going to be a year this months and I can't even believe how fast the year flew by. In another 6 months we will be going to Germany. I can't wait for my Mom to see him and hold him.

May 14th, 2008
Well, I talked to Paula today. I haven't talked to her in 10 years... found her website online and thought I'd call. She's doing really good. I knew she would... she had the drive it takes. Dave on the other hand doesn't seem too good. Found out stuff I don't even want to know. Scary! Maybe I will write about it later, but I'm almost too desturbed about it to write right now. Only 4 more days until we go on our Dells vacation. I'm soooo looking forward to it. I know Benji is going to enjoy himeself and all the kids are really excited. Only 1/2 year and I'll see my Mom. I'm excited about that too. Benji is so incredible. He can be mistaken for a 2 year old. He is starting to talk up a storm and is repeating a lot of things. We have to watch our mouths now. He still loves to play outside. I can't believe how much I love this little guy. We're getting a bunch of work done on the outside of the house. I'm so glad we're having a driveway now. I have to do some work on the yard again though, cause they took the stuff through my grass and ruined it again. Like I haven't worked on that often enough yet..lol. Well, I need to load the kids up now and go shopping.

September 18th, 2008
Man this diary needs updating. I have two Fosters now.. a boy and a girl. Let's call them John and Jane. John has been here since March... Jane just got here a month ago. She lives in Jessica's room, John in Tydon's. John has Special needs, meaning he's got a low IQ and has a hard time learning. He's not too bad overall though, even thought there is a Bipolar history and he has some tendencies I think would qualify for it. Jane has problems with anger... I think she's got Bipolar too... and pretty bad... her family has a known history of Bipolar as well. Donny knows the family. Her and Jessica took to each other and these past few days have been hell. Not because of Jane, but because of Jessica. Jessica is in full swing and I'm wondering if it has something to do with Jane being here. Jane likes to live in Chaos and she likes fighting with all of them. I got so mad at Jessica that after a long long time, she got her butt whipped yesterday, even though she's 12 years old. I kept telling her she's heading for that.... I couldn't believe the way she was acting while the party was going on for Emily...she tried so hard to ruin it for her. After I whopped her she changed back to her old self... it's pathetic... do I really need to go through this drastic crap to get her to listen? I hate having to whop a 12 year old... IT shouldn't happen after a child turns 5 or 6....12????? She's more harmonious again today. Jane is still trying to pick fights. I told her today I will take her party away next week if she doesn't stop it. I told her she can ask Jessica...that I will do it if I need to. Yesterday they were talking about running away cause I was "mean" to Jessica... it was Jane's idea. I told them today that they would take Jane away and instead of being sad when Jessica came back (which she thought I was going to be since the time Tydon got lost and we got sad and happy when he returned) both, her Dad and I, would be furious with her. I told them there is a difference between getting lost and running away and I would not be happy with either of them. Well, I figure I have to hang in there until they see the shrink and then we can do some type of med adjustment if it hasn't quit by then. I'm just glad I'll be gone for a couple of weeks to get back to my normal self. I have been screaming a lot lately again and I HATE doing this. Sometimes I think it's a competition... who can get Mom to scream first.... Arghhhhh! I tried so hard before not to scream... I am still trying... for Benji's sake.. yet it's so easy to fall back to the screaming.... it seems to help for a while. Of course I try other things before. Yesterday Jessica was grounded to her room before she got it, cause she was being a little shit to Emily.. probably cause she was jealous. It's been going on for a couple of days now though.. and not just with Emily..she was antagonizing Jane too... I'm so glad when the 5 1/2 years are over and Jessica is done with school and 18... she will not stay here any longer and I can get some stress relief... it's not nearly as bad with Emily and even less with Tydon... I think Jessica got an extra dose of insanity in her blood. Donny sees his ex hin her all the time... not good!!! Emily's Birthday was a succes...my goodness these kids are sooo loud. But it was a good celebration. Reminded me of when Jenny was little.... and how I used to organize the parties... the girls are already getting too big for that though... maybe I can do that with Benji again when he gets older. I remember when David had this huge 5th or 6th Birthday party... all Ninja Turtles.
Benji... my God is he growing up fast. He is 18 months now and he says sentences.. he can say "I want that!" Or "I want Mom!". He also says "I love you". He knows so many words and their meaning by now that I'm not even going to list them anymore.... he's learning so fast. I think I will start with a Pre-school program with him in January. Just a few minutes every day. I can include the others and Heather as well... doesnt' cost much more for an extra set. Benji is my bride and joy. I think I will try for another baby in December. He brought me this much joy and he's just as much of a stress relief as Donny is. God I love this kid so much
I'm wondering about Paul. He told me he was sick and in the hospital.. hasn't worked in his job for a while and then the Hurricane and no word from him.. makes me wonder if he's still alive. Who knows.. with his twisted mind he might just enjoy leaving me in the dark trying to make me feel bad.... not going to happen.. just wondering though... I'm also wondering about John and Todd every once in a while. Would love to hear from them, but it's like the earth swollowed them whole. I know John was talking about moving to Oklahoma or somewhere like that with this new girl he met and her 5 kids..that was 10 years ago. Todd, well... he could be dead too for all I know, since he was so heavy in to drugs. Every great once in a while I wonder whatever happened to Joe, but not as much as Todd, cause I wasn't as close to him I guess.
Donny is such a wonderful man. After being with him for 6 1/2years now we're still going strong. I don't think there's a lot of couples with a love like ours. We're so much alike in parenting and so much alike with knowing what the other wants.. and we compliment each other when it comes to Type A and B personalities... he calms me down so much at times! I still love him so much and I don't think that'll ever change. When I met him, I finally found my Mr. Right for the rest of my life.. not just a right for now...lol....

November 26th, 2008
Well, I might be pregnant. I noticed it 3 days ago that my blood pressure was down and that I started getting hungry again in the morning, so I was getting suspicious... I took a test yesterday and like with Benji, I think there's a line, but I can't be sure, so I will test again tomorrow morning. I was supposed to get my period Monday night, so it's not out of the ordinary since I have been late before, but the blood pressure, the taste of milk and the hunger in the morning make me think I am. I didn't think I would get pregnant first try, but hey.. I wouldn't have tried if I wasn't ready. There really was only one chance I got pregnant and that was Tuesday, November 11th, 2008. I also think it's a boy if I am pregnant, just because the way I feel. We'll see... I'll take the test in the morning. I already figured out what I'm going to do for the next 6 years until Jessica is out of the house.. I will move to Benji's room and Benji and the baby will move into my bedroom..that room is big enough for two and I can deal with living in the tiny room for a little while since I'm only sleeping in there. Maybe we'll win the lottery..lol. Looking forward to finding out tomorrow.