January 14th, 2006
Oh what a low-life son of a bitch!!!! Jenny got a postcard in the mail saying he would claim her on his taxes this year like he's allowed to by court order. Court order says he can claim her every other year... and I claimed her in 2003, soooo 2005 is MY turn. Not that I'm even claiming her. She's self-sufficient, made enough money to support herself since July and she needs it. She SHOULD claim herself. SOOOO she was calling me in tears... she's through with her Dad.. I guess enough is enough and I don't blaime her. For the past 11 years my kids have been on a roller-coaster. They wanted his love but he wasn't willing to give it.. or should I say he wasn't man enough to stand up to his bitch to be a Dad to his kids. I'm sure to this day that if it wasn't for Shauna, Doug would still be close to his children AND his family. Pretty sad that he would let a woman come in between his family and children. BUT, at least Jenny has a man in her life that does care about her and acts like a Dad to her. Donny is a good father figure and helps her whenever he can, like a Dad should. Her sperm donor Dad on the other hand seems to enjoy putting roadblocks in her way to make her life as miserable as possible. I'm so tired to watch it. Jenny said no more and I'm glad, cause then I don't have to deal with it anymore either. Jenny and my family will go to visit her grandparents and uncle and I doubt she wants to go see him. I'm sure I can take her up there if we don't go to Germany this year (and the way it looks we won't). Anyway, I did call them and tell them that I will press charges for tax-fraud and I will also bring him to court on his medical that he hasn't paid in the past 8 years. Son of a Bitch wants to be like that I guess he can pay a lawyer out of the money he thinks he gets to keep. I am SOOOO sick of their attitude. And then they claim to be people of God. I have never met anyone more cold-hearted then that.. but judgement day will come for them too. Hope they're prepared. I am so darn mad right now I could just smash both of their brains in, but taking them to court and letting God take care of their miserable life will have to suffice and it will. You always get what you deserve in the end.. it's a fact. But mad I am regardless. I did leave a message on her answering machine that said all that.. about not being their year and about taking them to court if they do what they said they will. Money hungry evil people.. that's what they are. Oh God, help Jenny get over this dissapointment. I know she was hoping to reconcile with her Dad after she moved out. Help her and comfort her. Ease her pain and make it that she doesn't hate them. Hate is not good. Fill her heart with love for people who deserve her love and fill the void with love, not hate. Let her forget the pain and give her energy to brighter things. Yes, that's what I pray for, so her heart won't be dark.

February 5th, 2006
It seems like Tydon is going through a depressive phase. He's always whining, complaining and crying over stupid stuff. It's been going on for about a week now. It's a light depressive phase. He still plays, but gets bored easy, he gets mad easy too. Jessica seems to be lazy and often sad too.. it has gotten a little better since we upped the Lamictal. I'm hoping this will do the trick in the long run. Emily... she still has her low up and downs, but it seems to be a very close cycle to the norm.. nothing wild like it used to be.. hopefully it will stay this way all through her life, then she won't have to take any medication as she gets older. But who knows with this illness.. really nobody can predict what will be, even tomorrow.

We have a very low number in the Daycare right now and I'm at a still-stand with the work until there is kids in the house again. Sabrina is supposed to come back mid-February and then things look up again. Jamie said he would do my bathroom. Then I just have to buy a few things for the kitchen and get the floor done and I'm finished with the inside of the house.. next thing would be finishing the fence.. the siding on the North side is going to get done any day now. Once the fence is done I want to put a dog-run in and then work on the sun room. I want all that done by next winter, cause then I can buy a jaccuzi and I'm completely done with everything I've been wanting to do with this house. Then it will be my dream. All I'll have to do then is renovate when something gets old. Donny wants to tackle the inside of the garage after everything else is done and that's all right with me. Maybe one of these days I'll start digging a basement.. when I have nothing else to do..lol.

College is hard for me. I'm taking Math and the teacher is non-existent.. I have to do it myself. Math is one of my better subjects, but teaching myself.. well it takes me a while.. and I don't remember the formulas and they're not in the book.. oh well, I'll master it somehow.

I have to really lose weight now. I had a problem with my blood pressure spiking so high I thought I was going to pass out.. my head was on fire and hurting like nothing ever hurt before. They thought it was my PSeudotumor in the hospital, but they're wrong.. by the time I was at the hospital my blood pressure was down to 159 over 104, which is still way higher than my normal blood pressure, but not nearly as high as I felt it in my head when it happened. It was high enough to make me have to run to the bathroom. Of course doctors can't believe their patients and they didnt' believe that I could feel my blood pressure being that high.. oh well, who cares... I just know I have to do something NOW. I want to lose quickly too, so I AM taking the meds they gave me for the Pseudotumor until tomorrow, cause it'll help me get off the soda. I think if I go one more day it'll be enough. If not I just start on Wednesday again with it. I have enough for a couple of weeks. Good thing is that one of the side-effects of this med is that it lowers the blood pressure just a little as well. Anyway, it was a wake-up call and I definitely want to lose at least 15 pounds before I start gaining weight from being pregnant, so within the next two months (just in case I get pregnant) and then if I'm not pregnant by then, I'll just keep losing, but in no way do I want to be more than 250 while pregnant, so I have to do something now. I'm ready.

February 10th, 2006
Went to the doctor today and I have quite the high blood pressure again. This time I got medication. She's going to check my kidney and Adrenalin Gland to make sure nothing is wrong with them (let's hope not). I have to be under 150/90 in order to do exercise and I'm still over it.. I did do some dancing tonight, but not the kind of exercise I want to do. I have a terrible headache too and am too afraid to take anything. Went to the Green Door tonight and Billy was actually calm tonight and wasn't bothering me.. it was nice for a change. Thomas was running the Karaoke and he was doing a pretty good job, just like I thought he would. Gary didn't even think about him.. he wanted me to get a hold of Shelly.. I knew Thomas could do it.. he ran the show so long with me that he only needed a refresher. It wasn't very crowded today and I got to sing a lot. I sang pictures with Robert. Lisa came about a hour after I got there and went back home with me. I went back home at 11 pm. We've got a few more appointments to get a Foster Care License. I can't wait till the house is done so I can do that again. I loved being a Foster Parent and I'm getting really tired of the Daycare. I want Teens in the house again. That's where my specialty is... Teens.

Friday March 3rd, 2006
School called. Tydon was being defiant yesterday in Art and then today in PE again. Mr. White said that Tydon threw a fit and called the teacher stinky or stupid. He wouldn't listen to her and refused to do what the other kids were doing. He was doing his own thing and when Mrs. Malom confronted him he yelled at her. When Mr. White tried to take him to the office he refused and threw a fit again. He finally calmed down and went to the office with Mr. White and had a talking-to. It's saddening to me, cause he's been doing so well. I feel so sorry for the little guy for having this crap too. I was so hoping (blindly kinda) that he wasn't going to end up having the Bipolar too, but everytime he cycles it's becoming more and more clear. This sucks! Come to think of it he's been having more trouble sleeping at night with dreams and being scared. He's also just a little bit pickier when it comes to eating.

Saturday March 4th, 2006
Well well.. it's getting worse. Tydon got spanked today by his Daddy. He was throwing a fit at home and threw the gate against the wall. Then his always clean (almost Obsessively clean) room is now a mess. I woke him back up to clean his room(he's supposed to have a clean room when he goes to bed). I watched him for a couple of minutes and then went to the bathroom. I told him to be done when I got out and when I got out the mess was still there and he was back in bed. I got pissed and draged him out of bed and told him I would woop him good if he didn't start cleaning up NOW!!! He's up there cleaning now, but oh my.. what a change from his always wanting to please and always having a clean room. His bed was peed in too for some reason, even though he wears a diaper. He was really oppositional earlier today too and was taking toys away from Jason. Emily didn't have too good of a day either. She was calling people names and being really bossy. I ended up making her clean the daycare room by herself cause she was just standing around ordering others around and then getting mad when they didn't follow her orders. She threatened to throw the plastic rocking horse on Jason if he wasn't going to clean up and she mouthed off to Jessica when she told her she was going to tell on her for not cleaning. I will need a vacation if this is going to get any worse and keep up till Manic May... no way do I want to go through this for 2 months... especially not with two kids.. AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGG!

Friday March 17th, 2006
I have noticed Jessica getting really oppositional lately. She seems to be rapid cycling too... at first I thought it was only depression but she has times when she is extremely hyper too... however, the main thing right now seems to be depression. In school the teacher says the same thing. Jessica is ALWAYS sad and she's very bossy and has very few friends.

Sunday, March 19th, 2006
Tydon seems to be getting depressed again or something. He's been asking me to go to bed earlier.. he has never done that one before. He also seems to be a little more agressive than normal. I'm realy tired lately.. don't know what the hell is going on again there. I hope it'll quit soon whatever it is... I mean I almost fall asleep while typing...it's pathetic. I did have 7 hours of sleep last night, so it's not like I'm sleep deprived either. I just hope it's not CFS. I haven't had that in years and I remember it lasting for 9 months.. I do NOT need that shit again.

Well, we might get new kids starting sometime this or next week. It would be nice cause then I could get my stuff done quicker and get Fosterkids by the end of the year.. I would like to end up with at least two Fosters and then just my two grandkids for daycare and my own 3. That would be perfect.. of course I don't know if I could afford that. We've been talking about a house in the country again. I wouldn't mind that at all. Would love to finish the house and then sell it for enough to pay all the debt off and build one on a huge piece of land that can hold more homes for David, Jenny and the rest. Maybe even Jason and Heather in the future. The Boggus Scott Hollow.. yup, that sure would be nice!!! Well, gonna watch some tv or something.. I'm falling asleep here.

Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
Jessica has been really oppositional again lately. Today I actually spanked her cause she was back-talking several times and the last time when I dished out a consequence she said "I don't care!" so I spanked her and told her I will beat the care into her. Nothing seems to be working.. maybe the spanking will have an effect. I sure hope so. She's been having problems in school not following directions again and either forgetting her book at home (when she has it in her backback) or she just doesn't do her homework at all telling me she's done with it. She seems to be ultra rapid cycling, sometimes being depressed and super hyper at the same time. She is also very bitchy and agressive and is mean to her siblings. Tydon has been pretty good again for these last few days.. we haven't had any problems again from him. He's also been sick though for the last few days, so I guess we can't be sure that he's done... Emily has improved again too. She's getting hyper in the afternoon and at night still, but she's better overall than what she's been just a couple of weeks ago.

Sunday March 26th, 2006
First off I would like to announce to the world that I started writing about the kids here, because the therapists wanted logs and I would forget to keep a log for the kids on paper.. sooo I decided to write everything in here what's happening to the kids and as of lately that's mostly what I write.. the PROBLEMS I have with the kids, so I can print it when I need it for the therapists. That said, you're going to find a lot of the negative things written down here and since I really didn't think anyone that didn't know me would really read this to begin with (I guess I would maybe read someone's diary if I'd known them, but not a strangers.. just too boring)I wasn't really caring about how this sounds to other people.. WELL, WE DO HAVE FUN. LOTS OF IT!! The kids love me and I love them. And here's the reason I just wrote this:
It's really funny what nerve some people have. Evidently some dumbass read my diary and decided I was an abusive parent (cause I have mentioned spanking the kids)... let me define abusive: "any act resulting in a non-accidental physical injury, including not only intentional assault but also the result of unreasonable punishment" hmmmm. let me see.. I have not in any way EVER injured one of my children. Nor do I spank my children on a regular basis. Also, I'm working with Protective Services right now to be licensed as a Foster Parent and they KNOW that I spank occasionally and even when I adopted them I told the lady, "yes I spank them on occasion" and they were all right with that. Hmmmm... she must think she's God to judge me like that? Especially since she doesn't have the facts? I should be offended since I'm so against child abuse, but... since this person does not know our life and is not around to see how much those kids actually love me and how much I love them, she can just kiss my ass and continue living in her stupid bubble. She was saying that I'm not the kids' real mother and that they resent me for spanking.. yeah.. ask my children who their real mother is... they'll tell 'ya. Why are some people that way? If you love your child, you teach them how to respect and you discipline. People don't seem to realize that you can love a child as your own if you adopt this child and that you can form bonds like you gave birth to them. Once again it shows me how ignorant some folks can be. Now if she would've been part of my life she would've realized how bad those kids had it and how much of an improvement these kids have had since they've been with me and Donny. Oh well... I wasn't about to leave her entry in the guestbook. She's such a chicken shit she didn't even leave an e-mail address. So if you have something to say to me, at least leave an e-mail or you don't even have to bother writing anything!!!

Anyway, it was Lisa's birthday yesterday (well actually it's today, but we celebrated it last night).. as it got later and later people were so drunk. I ended up going home at 1:30 cause there were too many drunks and I got bored. Blaine almost got into a fight and was thrown out and Billy was caught off because he was too drunk. However, he still wasn't all over me and I'm really glad he has learned to respect me. I really like the change in Billy. Cheri's Dad died on Thursday and this was the first I heard about it. The funeral is Tuesday. She knows she can call me if she wants to talk. Been there, done that.

I'm going to hopefully finish my scrapbook this week and start working on the older ones. I really want to get them online so they're safe in case of a fire. Well, I'm off to read the newspaper and start working on my website again.

Monday, March 27th 2006
I took Tydon in to the doctor last night and he has an ear infection again and the flu. Jessica has the flu as well. I guess when I felt like I had CFS and Fibro, it was really the flu as well. I had a real hard time last night with Tydon cause he wanted to watch TV and I had the daycare and didn't want him to expose the kids, so he had to stay upstairs. He threw several fits until I threatened to woop him. Then he finally quit and seddled down. He was told not to go to school this morning and when we got up he was already gone. So now we're waiting for the school to call cause of him whining about a ear ache. I can't believe how oppositional he was again. Let's see when we get the call.

Saturday, April 1st 2006
Another weekend and more worries with Jessica. She brought a note from the teacher home again. Didn't do her homework once again. Oh well, no computer time. She sat this afternoon and did it all. Thursday we had our last session with her counselor.. he didn't do much and she didn't care to go and I didn't see any results in her going so we talked about it and decided it was just a waste of time. So now we only see the Psychiatrist, not both. Saves me a little bit of time too and I don't have to worry about who will watch kids. I never even mentioned that I'm in contact with their birth-mom again. We've been writing and she seems to actually be sincere this time. She sounds really good. I wrote some stuff that might maker her a little angry, but it had to be said. She needs to realize that she's not the Mom anymore and she can't just come back and think she's going to take over when she's done. The kids are finally stable and they're seeing me as their Mom and her as Theresa, so she needs to realize that.. hope she will. Tydon doesn't even remember really who Theresa is and even Jessica barely remembers her...she says she remembers a little what she looked like, but she doesn't remember ever being hugged or sung to by her and I know she used to do that a lot. They pretty much only know our life now and I think that's a good thing that they forgot all the chaos in their prior life.. that's probably why they're not acting out as bad anymore as they used to when I first came into their life... they were so confused about everything and the back and forth, it's nice that it's all stable now and I'm intending to keeping it that way. Theresa is surprised that Veronica is all angry and doesn't want anything to do with her.. well, she's a Teen and all of her life she's been pretty much abandoned over and over again by her Mom.. can you blame her for being angry? I wrote Theresa that and that she should probably apologize if she wants to ever have a relationship with her again, instead of getting angry herself. She's the one that brought it all on herself and she is the one that needs to fix it.

Well, we still don't know what we're going to do for our anniversary, but we've got the West Virginia vacation planned. I'm excited. I'm also excited about tomorrow. It's supposed to be really nice outside and I'm going to work on the back yard to fix what David's dog tore up and I'm going to fix the side part up really nice again. Soon I will buy a fence for the side and front so the neighbors keep their damn fingers off of my plants.

Sunday, May 21st 2006
Things have been shitty with my health again. My heart beat is fast again keeping me from exercising and I'm not losing my weight fast enough because of it (but I guess I should be happy I'm losing). I'm going back to the doc soon.. trying to figure out what is going on. It's definitely manic May. Emily is now on meds again cause she's getting all mean and stuff. I haven't gotten a letter from Theresa. Wonder if she's in the hole. I'm sure she's manic right about now as well. I definitely need to de-stress. I went out this weekend to the Green Door with Lisa and we had a lot of fun. I danced a lot. I really need to do this more often. Donny is going to be off for my Karaoke party I'm going to have in June.. cool!!

Friday, June 23rd 2006
First off I want to say that I'm not a smoker (of any kind), nor a drinker. Last night I was taking my usual pills before bed. They include: 1000 mg Natures Bounty Omega 3 Fish Oil] 1 capsule Barefoot Coral Calcium Plus 24 mg B6 (Food coop brand) 1050 mg Hawthorn Berries by Solaray 10 mg Loratadine 200 mg Co Q 10 (Walgreens Finest Brand) 400 mcg Folic Acid by Spring Valley 1 Melaleuca Phytomega pill containing 750 mg Phytosterol Esters and 500 mg Fishoil 1 Melaleuca Provex - 75 mg Citrus Bioflavonoids 25 mg dried grape seed extract 1 Melaleuca Florify - Prprietary blend of flora for the stomach 2 Melaleuca Vitality Prenatal Vitamin 1 Melaleuca Vitality Mineral Complex with Calcium 2 Melaleuca Provex CV - Grapeskin and Grapeseed Extract, Proteases, Ginkgo Biloba, Billberry and Quercetin powder I don't remember which pill it was, but one of them got stuck in my throat. It eventually went down and I continued taken the rest of the pills. I was done taking them for maybe 2 or 3 minutes when I burped. Just of a sudden a big white cloud of smoke appeared right in front of my eyes. It smelled like an electrical fire, so I thought it was my keyboard and looked down. When I was breathing out, I found smoke coming out of my nose. That's when I realized that that is where the smoke originated from. I was totally perplexed and started getting scared. My mouth tasted nasty and my throat felt like I was breathing in smoke from a fire. For some reason (let me say from the beginning that I have NEVER studied, nor read about Spontaneous Human Combustion) I immediately thought of Spontaneous Human Combustion and since my senses are normally pretty accurate I got even more scared, ran into the kitchen and drank water and milk and ate a piece of bread until my stomach hurt. After I came down I was thinking that this was too bizarre to tell a doctor or even a pharmacist, so I started researching the net. I'm thinking that the smoke came from some kind of chemical reaction of the above pills and am thinking that this could be the cause of SHC. I mean I can't say that I would've busted out in flames if I wouldn't have drank the fluids, but who knows. I just know that I had smoke coming out of my mouth that smelled like an electrical fire. It was a cloud of approximately 15 inches in width and about 6 or 7 inches in length. I'm trying to make sense out of my experience, cause it's just too bizarre...What the hell do you do when your insides catch on fire... I wanna laugh as I write this, but it's really not all that funny. wonder what kind of chemical reaction went on inside of me and what the hell.. all these herbs are doctor approved... What the heck, maybe my fish was smoking?

Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
I'm pregnant!!! After having my tubal reversal on July 17th 2004, I became pregnant on June 18th, 2006. My due date is March 12th, 2007. I am soooo excited!!! If my baby is born on March 4th, it will be born on my Dad's death anniversary. If it's born on March 19th, it will be born 99 years after my Oma was born. I would love to have the baby born on the 19th, even though that would make it 7 days late. I get to share my pregnancy with my daughter Jenny and my daughter-in-law Mandy.. they are BOTH pregnant as well. However, their due-dates are somehwere in December and January I believe. We're not sure about the due dates yet, cause they're not sure when they really got pregnant. I'm so thrilled. My baby! If it's a boy, he will be Benjamin Mishael. If it's a girl, she will be Cassandra Faye. I feel so peaceful and joyous right now! I think I have a permasmile. I do not have ANY adverse effects at all, except for maybe not liking chocolate anymore (maybe it'll be a boy)

Sunday, August 6th, 2006
Well, we're back home and the house is back to normal. Boy did I have a lot of laundry. Of course there was a lot of other stuff too, like putting everything away and dusting and stuff. I'm just glad it's all done. Now tomorrow I will have to go do the outside. It's needing a lot of work too, but I'm going to have the kids help me. I'm in the process of uploading all the pictures. There are nearly 600 pictures just from our vacation. Jenny didn't go. She said she was too sick all the time and she didn't really have the money anyway. Also, Kris wasn't able to get time off, so she didn't feel right leaving him behind. I can understand! We saw a lot of things. Starting out we went to Bradford Indiana and visited a cave there. It wasn't what I had expected. It was more of an underground river than a cave. Not much to see besides water underground. Anyway, after that we went to West Virigina to see Aunt Kitty and Uncle James, which are my oldest kids' great aunt and uncle from their Dad's side. On the way we went to their grandma and grandpa to say hi and so they could show us where they lived. It's been 17 years since I saw them and it was nice to see them all again. They didn't age much at all. We spend the night at Aunt Kitty's (David went to his grandma's house to spent the night) and the next morning Alice came down with David and Mandy to bring us to Renee's work so I could see her. David went on to his Dad's house. Renee was busy working so I didn't get to talk to her much. She's not doing too good. Her health is really bad. Her daughter Summer came with us and we went to the coal mine in Beckley and then back to drop Alice off at her house. We were going to go to David Allen's and Cheryl's next, but they came up there instead, so we stayed around there for a little bit looking at the pond and stuff. Boy it was nice to see them. Wish they could all come visit me here. Told David Allen to get his butt in gear and bring his wife out here. Alice wanted to keep Tydon. I told her she could, but her and grandpa would have to come drop him back off at my house. Grandpa was telling me how he can't drive very long distances anymore cause of his back. He said he hurts for days after riding on his tractor. I suppose, he worked hard all his life... Anyway, we then went on to Baltimore, Maryland. On the way we stopped at Smoke Hole and Seneca Caverns and that was worth going to. We spent the night by the caverns in a place called Yokum's Vacation Land. Then I took some pictures of where my daughter Jenny was born (Maryland General in Baltimore) and also from the doctor's office. We then went to the National Aquarium in Baltimore. It was really neat and interesting. I think we spent a good 4 hours in there, maybe longer. We continued our trip to Washington DC where we went to the Zoo and later took a Twilight Tour. We saw a bunch of stuff and the tour lasted over 4 hours. We were able to get out and see the US Capitol, the White House, Memorials of Jefferson, Roosevelt, Lincoln, Nurses, Vietnam, Korean War, and the Iwo Jima Memorial. They also showed us a bunch of government buildings, museums and stuff while we were in the bus. After Washington DC we went on to Virginia to a place called Safari Park. There are wild roaming animals and we were feeding Zebras, Lamas, Emus, Ostriches, Antilopes,etc. It was a lot of fun, even though a huge Ostrich bit Jessica in the hand. Then we went back to West Virginia to Lewisburg where we spent the night and then went to the Lost World Caverns. It was a self-guided tour and wasn't as nice as the Seneca and Smoke HOle caves. Afterwards we continued to Columbus Ohio to a place called German Town and we ate there. Food was ok, but the Dells have better German food. Last but not least we stopped in Madison to get me some maternity clothes and then finally came back home. It was a long trip, but well worth it. David told me they had a good time at his Dad's and that he bought the kids and him quite a bit of stuff. It makes me feel good to see his Dad spent some money on him. Makes me not feel so bad about not taking him to court for the medical. If only he could get along with his daughter and spent some time and money and maybe a little love with her. She really needs it. It would help her greatly in the long run!

My pregnancy is going well and I'm still not experiencing much discomfort like throwing up and stuff like that. Never did with my first two either. My baby is 7 weeks old now. It's about 3 cm big (well, little really..lol). My appointment is Tuesday. I'm looking sooo forward to it! When I talked to Cheryl, she was telling me how happy she was for me. She read my tr journey and she said the baby is a gift from God. I'm thankful for people like her!

Thursday, September 7th, 2006
well, Mandy is going to have a boy. She's all right with that. Her due date is January 28th. Jenny is going to have an Ultrasound on September 19th and I'm sure I will be a couple of weeks after her. I can't wait. I actually already felt the baby move and I'm only 13 1/2 weeks pregnant. I'm still doing really good. I gained that initial weight and haven't gained any since, so I gained a total of 2 lbs since I found out I was pregnant on July 4th. That's cool! It sure would be nice to be the same weight (or lighter) after the baby is born, than before I got pregnant. I would really love that!

Jessica is a little more aggressive again lately. Nothing really bad, but I noticed a slight mood shift again. Tydon on the other hand is a real handful again lately. He has been grandious again and has made remarks like "I'm the smartest kid in my school".. and stuff like that. He also is only listening to half of the instruction he's given, no matter who is talking to him (home, school, all the same). He also shows a lot of aggression again. He punched the neighbor boy in the face the other day, only because he didn't want to play with Tydon anymore and sent him home. I grounded him to his room for the day and the very next day, as soon as I let him out, he punched Jason for laughing at him, so he was grounded to his room again. You can see it in his face how angry he gets over stupid stuff. So he's definitely cycling again.

Theresa is finally taking medication and I'm hoping she will continue. She asked me to get her some info on the pills she's taking and I sent her a whole crap load of info. I hope it helps. In a way I doubt she will stay on, but I pray she will. It would be so nice to actually see her succeed in life instead of coming out and going straight back to prison. I now have a Foster kid. He's a pretty nice kid, but he has Bipolar too and the same type of problems everyone else has with the mood swings. I'm hoping we can help him in keeping his life straight.

My Mom has major health problems and is now paralyzed in the face. They don't know yet what caused it except that it wasn't a stroke. I'm thinking it was probably those stupid shots she got in her spine.. the shot probably went into her spinal fluid straight into her brain and caused this. She said that she can barely walk. Now I wish I could be by her side and not all the way over here, but what can I do.

I also found out that my bones aren't what they used to be. My shoulder had been hurting since December and I thought it was from my weight lifting, but I finally had x-rays and the doc said it was just an aggravater. My bones have 3 spurs and the tendons are inflammed and he thinks the one on the rotator cuff is frayed. It will be a while before that's healed and he gave me a Cortisone shot. He told me it's probably from lifting too much all of my life. And here I was so proud of my strength. I guess our whole family are work-horses and we work ourselves to the ground. Maybe it's time to step back and take it a little easier. Maybe my child will help me do this. I know my life is hectic, but it's really not so streneous anymore like it used to be. I don't lift all that much anymore except for the kids. Oh well. My brother is getting a divorce. I hope both, him and Manuela will be ok, but for the most part, I hope that Sascha will be ok.

Saturday, October 7th, 2006
My Birthday was pretty good. David, Mandy, Jason, Heather, Donny, Jessica, Emily, Tydon, Justin, Rachel and I went to Tequila's Mexican Restaurant, our favorite place to go. Cesar was there and he was the one smearing the whip cream all over my face when they sang the birthday song. Our camarero was new and learned what to do on a Birthday from us... We brought a shower gift for Laticia. Laticia used to be our favorite waitress, but she got pregnant and quit working there. Her husband is still there, so that's who we gave the present to. David and Mandy gave me a book I've been wanting for a while.. something about the history of the terror Authority caused about Masturbation. They also gave me two masks for my living room wall. The kids gave me a scrapbooking kit and Donny tried giving me a massage cushion, but it didn't work, so we're going to bring it back and get another one from ebay.

I'm so looking forward to Tuesday when I have my first Ultrasound and will be able to see my baby. I'm still getting so scared at times that I could still lose it. I think that will stop once I've seen it and start feeling it on a regular basis, which should be soon now. I got an A in my Biology course. Jenny and Mandy both are having boys. Jenny's due date is on January 27th and Mandy's is on January 28th. Watch me be at the hospital for two births at the same day..lol. I'm still hoping for a boy too, but if it's a girl that will be ok too... had a dream though where I was all depressed cause it was a girl, but I'm not wanting a boy THAT bad...