2005

January 9th, 2005
Well, it's time to start a new year. I really don't write a lot anymore. That's because I'm basically happy and the only problem we have is trying to get the kids diagnosed and treated. We're seeing a new Psychologist (a PHD) tomorrow for Emily and I'm really hoping it's a winner. Then in February we're going to see a new Psychiatrist as well, but for both girls. I think I'm going to ask about the other two seeing the Psychologist as well if he's a good one. I'm not pregnant yet, but again could be this month too. It would be born on September 23rd. Now next month is when I really would like to be pregnant, cause then the baby would be born around October 20th or so and that would be another libra which would be sweet. One of the girls at church lost her baby this past week. She had some type of chromosome problem that is always fetal. I feel bad for her. I don't know what I would do if I would lose my baby after carrying it in my tummy for 9 month. That would just be devastating. I'm sure she's totally broken hearted. I'm glad she has a strong support system, cause that she has indeed. I'm going to apply for the children's ministry in church, but I have to talk to someone about speaking in tongues. I know I'm spirit filled, but I haven't spoken in tongues in public, so I don't know if that counts, or if I will have to pray with someone about this. I guess I'll find out soon enough. Donny and I are so happy together. He's all I've ever dreamed of. I thank the Lord every day for letting me be with him. On January 18th, we're having a "Welcome back Dale" party for Dale Jones. He's the best comedian I've ever seen at Riverjacks and I can't wait to see him again. It's going to be a lot of fun. We're now in the process of renovating Jessica's room. The porch is now our office and it looks absolutely gorgeous. I can't wait till all of the renovations are done.. I'm so impatient.

January 20th, 2005
Tuesday was awesome! I had a Welcome Back Dale Jones party at Riverjacks. He's my favorite comedian and even though only a few people showed up, we still had a blast. I think Dale is not only an awesome comedian, but he also seems to have a really nice personality. He actually gave Donny and me a cd of his for free. I thought that was really sweet. He said it's because we made him feel good by having this party. He deserved it though and he should be right there with the big ones like Jim Carrey. I wouldn't mind getting to know him a bit more and make friends.

The kids seem to be closer to begin diagnosed now. Looks like the new Psychiatrist actually knows what's going on. We're seeing him again next week and I'll know more then. They all have actually been pretty good these last couple of days. This last meltdown of Jessicas seems to have been the end of that season. Now we should have a little bit of good time before May hits. Hopefully by then they'll all be on meds. Theresa sent my last letter back to me with some nasty remarks and I've decided that I'm too smart to play her games. I will not even accept a letter of hers anymore. They will all go back unopened. I will not give her the satisfaction of even trying to give me a rise. We don't need her in our life anyhow. She thinks (in her twisted way) that the only reason I want the kids diagnosed Bipolar is so I can get money. I'm all in it for the money she says, even the adoption. Does she even realize how much the adoption cost? And how about the child support that we could've gotten if I didn't. How about if I just would've handed her the kids and didn't have to buy them anything, be able to have more kids in the Daycare, and not have the stress? Oh well, she can kiss my hind end and think what she wants. The kids will know who loved them all along and who cared for them and treated them right. Jessica hates Theresa already for "giving" her the Bipolar, even though we tried to explain that there was nothing she could've done to change that. She also hates her for abandoning her and leaving her Dad. Tydon doesn't even remember who Theresa is. I'm not so sure what Emily feels. I know she loves Linda a lot and that's why I allow her in our life, even though she's proven that she too is unstable. Donny and I are still oh so much in love. We just look at each other every time Pastor Mark says that having a marriage work is hard, or that it's normal to have disputes. Not for us it isn't. We have yet to even have a disagreement. That's because we both have sworn to try our best to make this marriage work and we compromise. It's just really easy to agree with Donny anyhow. I love him so much it's so beautiful!

January 23rd, 2005
I'm still working on my website, trying to get my jokes done. I've read a little from my older diary and boy do I have to say that I've grown these last few years. But I can't say I regret any of my past, nor decisions I've made. Every guy I've dated has formed me and made me who I am today. Every failure has made me stronger and every success has made me smarter. I love my life right now and looking back I've had a pretty rich past with a lot of fun and quite a few friends. Aaron and John come to mind the most. I have to call Aaron. The last two times he called me. I can't wait until he comes to visit. It's nice to look at the past. Looking back I also think it was very therapeutic to have this big crush on Billy.. I think that was all it was.. someone to fall back on to, when I DID fall. I guess I've always known how to bring myself forward. Sometimes I might've not had a lot of friends and I think right now is a time like that. There's just not enough time in my life to really form a lot of friendships, nor do I know a lot of people I want to be close friends with. Of course I'll always be Lisa's friend. Donny and I just talked about that. It's hard for us to form relationships outside of OUR relationship. We're really all we need... one of these days though I would like to meet a couple we can be friends with, just so we can do things together (like going to the comedy show for example). The hard thing with us is that we're not "churchy" enough to be close friends with people from church (they wouldn't go to the Comedy show for example). And well for the bar-scene we're not Partiers enough. We fall through the cracks..lol. That's ok though. Like I said I like my life the way it is right now. Maybe once our house is all done and we have more time for other things we can have barbeques and stuff like that. I'm kinda hoping that I'll get pregnant this week. I have been going back and forth with the thought of getting pregnant, but I really do want to get pregnant. I know I would love to have a child with Donny and I would love to do what I couldn't do with David and Jenny (raise a family in a two parent household). Well, back to working the website.

April 1st, 2005
Boy it's been a while. I actually took a time-out from getting pregnant. First of I didn't want a Christmas child. Second I had some problems with my health that I needed to figure out first. Somewhere I got exposed to someone with Tuberculosis and I ended up with a positive skin test. Boy was that a scare. I had an X-ray and I don't have active Tuberculosis, but something called Latent Tuberculosis. At first I felt tainted, but it's really not that big of a deal. I guess 50 years ago 90 percent of all American's had a positive skin test and some of them are getting active TB, so now we have an increase in positive skin-tests. The doc wants me to take a med for the next 9 month (till December) so I will not get active TB at a later time. I might even be able to have negative skin-tests, but it's only a 15 % chance for that. However, I AM able to get pregnant despite the meds. So that's good news. We're also moving along with the house. I have to do the garage roof now so the insurance won't drop us and we're doing that this weekend. I'm hoping Stevie will come and work on Tydon's room, cause then I can probably have it finished by next weekend. It sure would be nice. Steve and David are getting close to being done with the Daycare room too. I can't wait until everything is done. Then in May I wanna do the kitchen roof and then probably finish the fence in the back-yard right away. It's going to be really pretty. I worked in the yard these last few days and got it really looking nice. The tulips are coming up and soon everything is going to look beautiful again. I started exercising. It's about time I'm serious about weight loss. Donny is having a problem with high cholesterol, so my exercising will help him do something with me too. I'm going to cook more at home again too, which helps cause we're not getting all that greasy food. I made a vow not to go back to the Green Door until I lost 10 lbs. I'm up to a whooping 249 lbs. I'm NOT going to reach 250! Jessica is now diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and is on Lemictal. It really seems to help already, even though she's still on a pretty low dose. Emily has a really bead streak right now and I'm hoping she will be diagnosed soon and put on Lamictal too. I know Lemictal might not work for her, but it's sure worth a try. I miss working on my website. I'm working on my scarpbook right now and when that's done (tomorrow I hope) then I might have some time in between doing the rooms to do my website. There is yet sooooo much to put on there and I find new stuff every day. I've been going more to the Green Door again lately and have met a few new people. Penny and Larry are among the new ones. I had a gig the night they showed up for the first time and they really liked me playing. They're a little wild for my taste, but they're good people. Billy is a pretty nice guy too, but he too gets wild and drunk enough to make a fool out of himself. Cheri and Steve actually know Linda, but don't care much for the Dunwald family. Cheri said she's embarrassed to admit knowing them. I kinda like Teri too. I also met Alisha and Dave and that's all the new people. Well, I guess it's time to upload this and see what else I can do real quick.

April 10th, 2005
Finally Emily is on the Lamictal as well. She started this Friday. I'm really hoping it's doing Emily as good as it's doing Jessica.. boy what a relief that would be. Things are going better around here I'm less stressed. I do feel like I'm getting a little hyper at times. I'm still wondering if I'm not BP after all. Jenny is saying she has some depression going on too and she was diagnosed with ADHD when she was younger.. really makes me wonder. And we ALL have that temper streak going on occasionally too. If it is the case though then we only have it slightly,like I said before a High Functioning Bipolar. There are benefits of having it.

David was positive on the skin test (TB) as well. Really wonder now who gave it to us. Had to have been from the daycare, but who knows. Renovations are going pretty good now that Steve H. is working on things. We had a grill out yesterday and I had David, Mandy (and kids) Lisa, Steve, Cheri, Steve (and kids), Penny, Larry (and kids) and Billy over. Alisha and Teri had to work. My kids were with grandma. Didn't want them there since there was alcohol there. I really like the new people we've met. Billy and Penny seem to be getting out of hand when they get drunk, but other than that they seem to be good people. I love singing with Larry. He got a really nice voice and our voices fit together. It's a lot of fun singing duets with him. I still like singing "You're the one that I want" with Scotty though. Lyn is dying of cancer. I don't know the details, but from what she looks like she won't be in this world a whole lot longer. Of course she's in our prayers. Like with my Dad I'm praying for healing, but also that she won't be in too much pain and won't have to suffer longer than necessary. And I pray for Gary that he will be strong going through all of this. I asked Lyn if she minded me starting a prayer wheel and she said she could use all the prayers she could get, so I'll be doing that sometime today.I'm also still working on my website. I started typing the jokes out of my cupboard now. Eventually I want all of those jokes I have on paper, on the website. Less paper in my house...lol. I have some psychic insights again... people keep telling me that they were thinking of calling me and here I am calling them. That also makes me wonder if that's connected to the manic state of BP. Would definitely be worth noting. I miss studying the Psychic stuff. Also figured I could lift some spells. I didn't really say any spells so to speak, but it seems that when I put a strong feeling out there it does happen. So I figured I remove all of the negativity from Dave and Thomas as well as a few other people. All the negativity I've laid upon them is now drained and gone. All of my books are put away due to the renovations, but I really think I'll be reading a book or two again when I find them. I still don't believe that the appearance of my grandma was that of the devil. Why would a vision such as that be evil.

April 24th, 2005
Emily has been a horror for a while now. She’s been messing with the kitty again and I think she tortured her, cause Monkey actually peed in Emily’s bedroom. At the same time Emily ripped her mattress apart and took the string and tied it on the bunk-bed. I had David take the bunk-bed and the mattress down so now they’re only having a mattress on the floor they sleep on until Tydon moves to his new room which I think is not going to happen too soon. He’s been a little shit too. He’s been stealing a lot. So far he hasn’t really been destructive, just stealing food and things from school. However, I think it was around this time last year that we had the problems with Tydon stealing the food and toys from school too. Wonderful! And here I thought I would get away with two kids having the Bipolar and Tydon being free of it. Fat chance now! Emily broke the screen in her room now too. So now her room is pretty much completely destroyed. Her vent is off the ceiling, so is her smoke alarm. Her wall and baseboards have her name on it (she drew it on there). The shoe rack (the second one) is broke again. The wardrobe is broke too. Heck they even jumped off of the bunk-bed so much the floor was broke. Tydon’s bed was broke from both of them jumping on it. Emily broke the gate out of the wall some more today and stood on the other side of the gate almost breaking that too. They (Tydon and Emily) had the bathroom all wet and didn’t clean it. After beating them they started to be a little more cooperative, but I was shaking like a leaf. I shouldn’t have to beat them for them to listen to me. I just wish that darn medicine would kick in like it did for Jessica, but so far it doesn’t help at all. They really can challenge my parenting skills, that’s for sure. So far I always thought I was a pretty good parent, but they leave me longing for patience and understanding. I just don’t know what to do at times. Sometimes I just want to give Emily to grandma and say “Go ahead raise her if you think you can do better!” But I know she can’t. She has proven that with Theresa. Emily is the spitting image of Theresa’s emotional make-up. Here grandma thinks that Jessica is the worst and Emily is her little angel.. HA! I knew from the start that Emily was effected the strongest and even my Mom can see it in Emily’s eyes that there is something wrong with her. I agree. I just hope the meds will help her. I don’t want the kind of future for her that her bio has. I really don’t. Of course it would be easier to have her not here. She disrupts the whole household at times and it is SOOO quiet without her here, but what would happen to her if she was to live somewhere else? However, I can see that if it doesn’t get better when she’s a Teen that she will be living in an Institution of some kind. I know that is expensive, but if I can’t get a grip on her behavior now, I know I won’t be able to when she’s a Teenager.

Other than kids, things are going great. Donny is as sweet as ever and we’re getting along wonderful. I’m losing weight and getting in shape. Donny has a little high cholesterol, so I figured it’s time to do something about it. We have wheat bread now instead of white and we walk a lot. Maybe that’s all it takes to get him back to normal. We’ll see. Tydon’s room is almost done. I just bought some Dinosaur curtains and a bed for him. It’s going to look great when we’re done. I painted half of the door in chalk board, on both sides. They’re going to like that. Daycare is going good again too and we’re making good money. I wanna do something fun for our anniversary! Just found out that Emily took the soap out of the bathroom and put it in the micrwave and cooked it until it bubbled. Then she threw it down the toilet. They also went outside after their Dad told them not to and took their milk cups out with them and left them out there. I just got done throwing the milk out.

April 28th, 2005
Tonight Emiy crossed the line. I had laid out 5 Dollars for Jenny's meds and saw Emily eyeing it. I thought I would better pay attention to it and yup, money was gone... Oh boy was I pissed. Once again she got a spanking. I'm soooo tired of having to be mean. I don't play around with that either, because if she'll do it from me you know she'll do it from anyone. Can't trust her anymore at all. I wish the meds would start kicking in. She's on 25 mg now as of today. I will keep her on 25 mg until MOnday and then increase it to 30 mg. I'm supposed to go up to 50 mg. Maybe then she'll actually show some improvement. Right now she just drives everyone nuts. They're going to grandmas tomorrow so I'll have a two day break. YEah!!! Then on May 17th, our anniversary, we're going to have a party at Riverjacks. I'm looking sooo forward to it. On the weekend after that, grandma Linda is watching them again and Donny and I are going to Minneapoiss to go to the Improv show. I can't wait for that. It was soo much fun when we were there last year. I wonder if the same people are still there doing the show. It was really good. I also hope it's as slow as it was last year, cause that would mean that we are all going to be in their show participating.

We're about done with Tydons room. I brought the clothes down today. Donny has to recut a couple of boards that I will have to paint and David will put the bed up in the morning and we will be done. Then throughout the day I can fill it with his stuff. Steve is coming tomorrow and is starting with the steps and that'll give me quite a bit to do too, cause I can bring all the plaster out. We'll be having a dumpster and I will be putting the shingles up too. Things are going to go rather fast now, cause we're going to have the carpet laid in 2-3 weeks in the daycare room and possibly the steps at the same time, and then the living room just 3 weeks later. IT's going to be so nice when everything is done. The kitchen roof will be done these next couple of weeks too while we have the dumpster. I think we're not going with Sears again for the siding. Home Depot has installers too and a good warrenty so I think we're going with them. Jenny called her Dad today and he told her not to get married cause if you get married your life is over. Jenny said that Shauna was sitting next to him and agreed with him. Jenny said he said the same thing to David when he got married. That's sad! That shows me that him and Shauna aren't happy together. Well, I sure am with my man. Donny's the best man God ever sent my way and I tell ya he's all I ever wanted and all I ever dreamed of. I don't understand why anyone would want to be married and miserable. I'd rather be single and find the right person (which I did). Everyone thought I was nuts cause I would date and then break up and date again and break up, but look what I got now. I got the perfect fit.. my soulmate. I didn't settle for less. And I don't care what everyone thought of me while I was dating this one or that one. Look at me NOW!!!! I don't regret anything in my life. I lived a really good life so far. Every hardship I had was for a reason and I found it made me grow. It all ended good. God gave me some great learning experiences before he had me meet my soulmate. HE gave me the experience I needed to parent Donny's kids... my kids. Jessica has gotten so close to me now. I think she's really thankful that I was able to help her with the Bipolar. She's so much better now and she realizes it and likes it. She loves me a lot and it's not a competition anymore (in her eyes) between Daddy and Me. I know it was for a while. I told her it's only natural for her to like Daddy more than me, cause Daddy has been around her whole life. It seems though that now I've gotten just as close to her as Donny has. Makes me feel good inside.

May 6th, 2005
Wow, Jenny is almost done with Highschool now. She's a little upset cause her Dad isn't there for her at all and even though I can understand her wanting the love of her Dad, I really do have to say that isn't a surprise to me. It's like David. He desperatly wants to build a relationship with his Dad, but he just isn't interested one bit. David calls every other week hoping his Dad would call the other week, but nope.. it hasn't happened yet and David's been calling for a long time. Jenny said that she had enough. When she gets married Donny is going to end up giving her away unless her Dad turns around and shows some interest (still that hope there, but good luck). I wish I would've been wiser in seeking the mate to have children with, but oh well.. hindsight is always 20/20. David said Jamie is closer to him than his own Dad and of course Donny is Jenny's Father Figure. I'm glad she has one. Jamie is a good guy too, just not one I could stay with. Couldn't handle the illness I guess. However, he's a great friend and I'm thankful he stayed a friend.

Jessica seems to be on the low side lately. She's been crying over every little pitty thing and she's really lazy again. I mean REALLY lazy!!! She's also trying to get out of doing homework and now she says she hates reading. I'm so busy doing the house now..it's the final count-down. Tonight I'll be painting the Daycare room and then tomorrow Steve is going to sand the stairs and put the ceiling in the Daycare room (well, he's starting to). ON the 14th we'll get our carpet. I can't wait. It's soooo close to being done I can smell it..lol. After the living room is done I want to take a little break from the inside. We can always do the inside in the winter time. I want to get the fence outside finished this year and we still have the kitchen roof to do. I also need to do some painting on the garage and a little on the house as well. Next year I want to build a deck and I want to do it by myself (well maybe with the help of Donny). I have it in my mind how I want it, just have to build it. This means i can't get siding on the backside of the house until then, cause I want to put a door in the bedroom going on to the deck with stairs going down to the whirlpool. This year, I don't think I'll have the money to do it, but next year I'm sure we will. This year the money is tight up in finishing the inside and doing the other stuff on the outside. I still need to buy a new couch and then in the fall/winter I'll be doing the bathroom and laundry room which requires the purchase of a brand-new top of the art washing machine and dryer. The kind the Germnas got. Ahhhhhhh, can't wait!!! After that all is left is the kitchen and all I do there is the lenoleum. I think I keep my cupboards and maybe I'll get a new table. If not I'll refinish the table we've got. Gotta wait and see. But now I'm off to painting.

May 12th, 2005
Just thought of something. Tydon was having problems last year in May with Peeing everywhere... dogfood, litterbox, sink, etc. He was literally obsessed with peeing. This year, it's May now, and he seems obsessed with his penis as well as others'. So maybe he didn't get abused, maybe it's just a cycle he gets in sometime in spring? He did some really inappropriate stuff lately, like touching another boys penis, playing like dolls are peeing on each other, kicking each other in the privates, watching others' go to the bathroom, exposing himself to others,etc.

June 15th, 2005
Jenny moved out today. I was just thinking of how that would've affected me if I wouldn't have met Donny and the kids and how I would probably be all on my own right now. Scary thought. I think I would definitely feel the empty nest syndrome. I love my kids to pieces and I love that both of them are close by where I can see them whenever I want to. I can only imagine how my parents must've felt when I left. I wasn't as close to my parents as David and Jenny are to me, but I was/am still their daughter.

June 16th, 2005
Tydon is very pleasant at the moment and in a good mood. He’s talkative, but not overly so. However, he does seem to think he’s smarter and better than others. He also seems to think he doesn’t sleep. Our conversation started about sleeping. He said that he sometimes doesn’t sleep at all at night. When I told him that I check on him and he sleeps, he says “I pretend I sleep. I was awake all night last night!” I told him that I checked on him several times last night and that he WAS sleeping. He said “I pretended I was sleeping and I tricked you. I was up all night!” I told him there was no way he was awake when I checked on him cause his cheeks were rosy and that he slept with his mouth open. He said “I can pretend that, look!” and he showed me. I said “You still can’t make yourself have rosy cheeks” He said “Oh yes I can. I can trick you with anything at any time I want to and you can’t stop me!” That’s when I said “whatever” and left. Yesterday he was arguing with his sisters and he was always right, even when we (his Dad and I) told him he wasn’t. He still insisted he was right.

June 18th, 2005
What a day. I think Jessica was on one today. I don't know how many times I had to scold her and finally this evening I smacked her. She sprayed Emily while doing dishes after I told her if she keeps it up she won't get her mark. I watched it happen, smacked her and told her she can now go to bed without a snack and tomorrow she gets to do the rest of the dishes in the morning and more dishes at night. This time without help (Emily was drying them). This after noon at Menards she was just standing in the aisle while I was looking at something and shaking herself and making weird noises. I asked her what she thought other people would think when they saw what she was doing. Her answer "Think I'm weird" I told her.. "Yeah, they will think you're mentally handicapped. Do you want people to think you're mentally handicapped?" She said no. She does such stupid things at times.... Then tonight she's trying to tell me it was an accident that she sprayed Emily on accident, even though I was watching her and actually seen the flick of her wrist. Made me want to spank her. Also she seems to definitely be on the manic side today. She was sitting there just repeating a word over and over and over and over and over and over... you get the hint. I would say that that was pressured speech too.

I don't know what to get Donny for Father's Day. I bought a couple of cards and I got a pudding. Thinking about getting him Star Treck, but not so sure if he would like it since he always watches it on Tv. Penny is going to visit Aaron and the way Aaron was talking they're going to come up here and see me. If they're not, we're going to drive down on July 11th. I haven't seen either of them in 8 years and they're this close (3 1/2 hour drive).. there's just no way I can't go.

July 23rd, 2005
It's 2 am right now. I just got back from the Green Door. I get so tired of drunks. went to see Jimmy tonight at the Crescent Inn too. The visit with Aaron was great. I can't believe that's already been two weeks ago. Time flies. I hope he really meant it when he said he will come up here again soon. It felt soooo good to see him clean. Jessica has been doing really good this past month. I think we're finally at a level of meds that seems to take care of her non-normal moods. I feel blessed! We are now activly trying to conceive. We asked Pastor for prayer last Wednesday. Diana is pregnant now. She's due in January.

September 7th, 2005
Time flies... we went to see Aaron and his uncle a week ago Tuesday. Went to the Crystal Lake Cave first though. It was beautiful. Aaron said he was going to come up here again sometime soon. Tydon is pretty much diagnosed with Bipolar too now. He's going to see the shrink the last week of September. I have a few new kids now which should help a lot in paying my stuff off and finishing everything in the house so I can slow down a bit and maybe we can still go to Germany next year. It would sure be nice. I'm a lot more into the kids right now. Trying to get them involved in sports and other activities. We'll see how that goes. Emily is now off of Prozac after I Found out she peed her bed more on higher doses of it.. so I requested for her to be taken off of it completely. I think that was the culprit with her aggression as well. Maybe the Lamictal will be able to be the only meds she takes. Sure would be nice. And then hopefully that's what we'll try with Tydon too and hopefully that'll help him just as good as it helped Jessica. It sure would be nice to get them to "normal". I'm thinking of doing some Foster care again. talked to Donny and he doesn't seem to be against it. We'll see if I feel like going through that whole process here in WI. It's so much more involved here than it was in Utah. However, I think I could benefit a child with BP.. I think I have enough experience...lol.

September 23rd, 2005
I've been thinking about Paul a little these lasts couple of days. I don't care how long it's been.. if you ever had feelings for someone and something is about to happen in the area that this person lives, well.. then you're going to have some emotions reagrdless of how long it's been or what has happened. Hurricane Rita is going for Houston. I've bene praying. I hope Tracey doesn't live there anymore and I'm praying for Paul and his wife. I can't imagine having to deal with something like that. Again I'm counting my blessings for being up here where I'm safe. Every time I see a Hurricane come in I just can't imagine living somewhere like that. Just like Tornado Alley... don't understand these people not making their home somewhere else... just look at New Orleans.. can't believe they actually want to rebuild that city. It's beyond my capability of understanding. I'm praying hard for Rita to go to a cat 3 before hitting land. I'm also praying that it hits more of New Orleans than anywhere else, because that is already distroyed, the other places aren't. And I'm praying for everyone else to be safe.

My family is doing alright. We took Emily off of Prozac now and she seems to get better with the aggression, but it seems like she's getting depressed a little again. Now I"ve been told by some people that that's a side effect from Prozac and some people even get suicidal when coming off of Prozac.. I guess we'll see what happens in a few weeks.

We're in the process of filling out paperwork for Foster Parenting. I'm thinking kids between 7 and 12 and/or girls older than that, but no boys over 12.. just cause of the safety of my own. Tydon is starting to act out in school now. Not Good!!! Jessica is still doing wonderfully good. She is just like a normal kid now being on the Lamictal. It's so good to see her the way she WANTS to be and not the way some chemical dictates her to be. And to think I used to be anti-medicine. Took me a while to get convinced, but I am!

Donny and I are going to Oktoberfest and the Comedy show on my birthday. It's going to be fun.

October 28th, 2005
I can't believe it's almost Christmas already again. Wow! Time flies so fast it's pathetic. I think I need to get a little more serious in trying to conceive if I really want another child. We just put in for Foster care. We shouldn't have a problem in getting approved. The only thing I think I need to get done before they come to inspect is redo the ceiling in the Daycare room and fill the ceiling in the kitchen again. What a drag. I'm not buying any beds until I'm approved though. I would like only kids over 7, so they don't count against my daycare. Besides I like the Teenagers better anyway and they seem to like me better too. It would be nice to have Teens in the house again. I sure miss my own! I just took Emily off of ALL medications. She actually seems to be doing better than before.. weird! I guess we'll see how she'll do. When she's starting to freak out on me again, I'll have the Lithium Orotate ready for her. I think I might give that to Tydon too. It's a natural Lithium and it's not as damaging as the pharmaceutical Lithium. We'll see how it goes. all I know is that Emily's meds didn't help her at all. We bought a time share and I can't wait till we can take our first vacation. Not so sure where I want to go yet, but I would love to go to Florida. We'll see. Probably won't be for a while. Maybe we'll go to the Dells first. Thinking about inviting Aaron to come along. I need to call him. It's been a while since we've talked last. I'm going out Saturday for the Costume party at the Green Door. I'm going to be Bahama Mama again. It was so funny seeing how everyone thought I was black. I bet if there was a black person in the room they would've known I wasn't black...lol. Oh well, we'll see how this year goes.

November 3rd, 2005
Emily is now on the Lithium Orotate. I started her on a half a pill (60 mg) a day and now she's on 120 mg a day. I'm also thinking of putting her on a 504 plan (similar to an IEP but it's not Special Ed). She's having a really hard time with her home and school work and she's falling behind despite her being a smart little girl. The costume party was cool. I fooled a couple people who thought I was an actual black person.. kinda funny. Then on Monday I went as a Transvestite... we went to Tequilas to eat. I started my weight loss plan this Monday and it's going really good. I'm not ready to publish the website yet to the world, but only to the people who do it with me. Once I've lost my first 10 or 20 pounds I think I'll be all right with making it part of my home on the inernet. We'll see. My before pictures are really bad. I'll have to take some more pics before I'll publish it though. I'm sure even just 10 lbs will make a huge difference. I think I already lost over a pound and it's only been 4 days. Should be able to lose 2 lbs a week easy at first. I'm kinda excited about losing the weight.

November 13th, 2005
The Lithium looks promising for Emily. She's on 120 mg a day now and doing good. Hopefully it's not just her cycling out, but I don't think so. My weightloss is doing good as well. I've lost 5 lbs so far and that was Friday. I'm due to weigh myself again tomorrow. Maybe losing the weight will also enable me to get pregnant. I really would like to have another child. I'm wondering how far they are in the Foster care process. Hope we will be approved soon and I will be able to get two children. I would like to have two Teen boys.. somewhere between 12 and 16 would be the nicest. I'm excited about that. I'm back to having no desire to go out and sing.. I'll go again in a few weeks I'm sure, but for now I'm too busy and too tired to go anywhere. Maybe after Thanksgiving. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I'm taking the kids to the Dells over night (Monday and Tuesday). I would like to go to Madison to Savers, but don't know how I'm going to do that yet. Myabe that's going to have to be a separate trip and we'll have to spent the night in Madison. Not sure yet how I'm going to go about that. Am working on my website big time again. There too it's sporatic.. just like the singing. I'm good at both so that's not a problem... another one I'm sporatic about seems to be working on the house.. I really don't feel like doing anything. The ceiling in the toyroom still needs to be put up and then I have to save money for the bathroom.. I just have no embition to get it done. Oh well, sooner or later the drive will be there.

November 17th, 2005
I took Emily off of all meds. Dr. Weinberg was an asshole about her dx Tuesday and he pretty much acted like most md.s would here in the US... OH herbal can't be good.. taker her off.. she's not sick she's just got behavioral problems.. ok.. I did. If it's just behavioral then I can handle it without dear dr. Weinberg... just beat the shit out of her and the problems will go away right? Oh I'm still pissed at him. How can he dismiss some of the things she does.. it always urked me that he said Emily had a low form of BP IF she was BP, cause she has ALWAYS been the one most difficult and with the most signs. For Gods sake she had a time when she banged her head against the floor at Dr. Rae Stuarts office... but no, nothing wrong with Emily. What kind of crook is he anyway.. his reasoning: She didn't respond to the Lamictal. Is he really THAT stupid? Has he ever heard of that not everyone has the same chemistry and one drug might not help for everyone.. I don't know.. I used to think he was a good Doctor, but now.. well, just say I'm not so sure anymore. BUT.. I'll show him... I'm writing everything down that I see in Emily... now that she's off of ALL meds, we'll see the cycling more profound again.. oh what a wonderful Christmas we'll have.. HOpefully though, she has cycled out (usually it's Tydons time during Christmas) and she won't start again until March, like she usually does. At least I'll have a break. Anyway, here's the history of hwo she's been doing since taking her off of Prozac:

Sept 7th: Taking Emily off of Prozac

Sept 23rd: Emily is less aggressive but seems more depressed

Oct 21: took Emily off of all meds

Oct 28: Emily seems less depressed and pees the bed less frequently

Nov 3rd: Started Emily on Lithium Orotate

Nov 7th: Went up to 120 mg (from 60 mg) on the Lithium Orotate cause there weren't any changes.

Nov 15th: Emily is less agressive, more cooperative with Homework and teacher reported has been better in school to keep up with work this past week. Emily says she feels better about herself. Took her off of Lithium Orotate cause Dr. Weinberg was bitching about it.

Nov 17th: Emily is more hyper today than she has been in a long time.

November 18th, 2005
Emily wasn't quite as enthusiastic to read today and she was more easily distracted than she has been. At supper we had a meltdown cause she didn't want to try the food. Once she tried it (after I gave everybody else a rice crispy bar) she had seconds. She also had a meltdown in school cause a couple of kids didn't want to play with her.

December 3rd, 2005
Emily is getting a lot more agressive again lately and she's been having troubles on and off with her homework as well. She's been kicking, hitting and having two rages this past week. Today she was throwing a tandrum in the toyroom throwing toys kicking the big blocks, etc. She was send to her room and she continued screaming for about 20 minutes to half hour and then calmed down cause she wanted to eat (I told her she would get whatever was left if she made it down in time to eat).

Tydon has been cycling into a more aggressive mode. He has been kicking and hitting. He has also been asking a lot for candy and other sweets. He still pees his bed every night. He's also defiant about going potty at night and before bed.
Jessica has had a rage, but is doing pretty good otherwise. She's getting so mature it's nice to watch her grow.

December 24th, 2005

Well, it's typical for Tydon to act up right around Christmas time and he's not letting us down this year either. Emily is the one that usually doesn't get in trouble during the christmas season. This year however she's acting out. She was flashing Tydon (private parts) and is talking nasty. She also keeps saying she's bored. She doesn't listen very good either. Tydon is his usual... mean and unruly..that's a typical Christmas for Tydon though. He almost lost Christmas two years ago and got in trouble last year too. Well, I'm done for Christmas. Lisa, Steve and all the kids are coming. It's going to be a nice one this year. We were able to spend $250 on each kid this year. They're going to be sooooooo excited about all the stuff...even the big ones. I only got $50 worth of stuff for Jesse though.. he's not really a part of the family yet.