January 16th, 2004
Well, well.. someone is trying to get me into trouble for Child Abuse. I hope God will give her what she deserves. It will pass. They started on the siding today and it looks really nice. I pretty much have the money together for the operation now, I just have to lose the weight. The way it looks we will start Adoption procedures next month. I wish - I pray we will get money - enough money to pay the house off and all the other bills too after giving 10 % to LWCC and paying taxes. I would love to not have the Financial Pressure and maybe we would even move to a newer home and out of La Crosse, but not so sure about that. I also pray for safe-keeping - to be safe from all and any harm. I love Donny. He's a wonderful hubby.

January 27th 2004
Today Jessica got in trouble in school again. I guess she was bossy with some 2nd graders she was working together in Art with. It really doesn't surprise me. She's like that at home. I was happy to hear Tydon is now being brought home by a different bus. I really dislike he Aid that was in the other bus. She's really rude. I really got into the book I'm reading called "Saved by the Light". I think I'll like this one even more than "Return from Heaven". I wish the kids would be in bed already. I can't wait to go to the Comedy night. I really like our Tuesday night out. I love being out with my wonderful Twin-soul! I really enjoyed our 10 stolen minutes in the hot tub today too.

January 29th, 2004
Sometimes I wish I was either stinking rich or still stink poor & unemployed. Reason being is that either way you have all the time in the world. I'm going to go shopping today and buy a bunch of meat. I need to start cooking again and not food with MSG either. I'm tired of seeing MSG in products. Oh well, such is life I suppose. I want to be able to remember my dreams again. We didn't go to church last night. I just didn't feel like messing with everyone again. I know I feel fine once I'm there, but I just feel too lazy to get everyone ready - me included. Emily is 6 and she's already corrupted. She lies and gets other people into trouble without remorse. She hurts people and thinks it's funny and she doesn't listen worth crap. She rips peoples artwork and hits them across their head. Emily doesn't care about anything. She has no attachment to anything.

February 4th, 2004
I hate mornings. Every morning I have to fight to try to get everyone ready for school. I hate having to bitch at Tydon and Emily every morning. Jessica usually always gets ready on time.

February 9th, 2004
Was telling the class about my past lifes. It will be interesting to see what people will write. I'm hoping to be done with all of my homework soon so I can do some more surfing. I also want to read 14 chapters of the bible.

March 21st, 2004
Emily was really hyper during the afternoon. LIke someone put Energizer Batteries in her. On and on and on. She was listening pretty good today though.

April 1st, 2004
I can't believe Emily. At first she woke us up by screaming "I want to play a game" over and over again for about 10 minutes straight. Jessica didn't want to play with her. Then when told she had to clean her room before she could have something to eat (I told her at 1:30 pm), at 5:00 pm the room was still not completely clean, but I gave her something to eat anyhow. Then tonight I discovered that she took the scissors from Tydon and cut her bed sheets apart. She also cut a few holes in Tydon's sheet. I spanked her on the butt for this. She wouldn't tell me where the scissors were

April 8th, 2004
Adoption Procedures are under way. We will go to court on May 18th. One day after our anniversary. We will be going to Madison for our anniversary. I can't wait. We think Theresa has been in our yard destroying things. There's also been a white car driving around the neighborhood over and over again. I don't trust her and I don't like her. I hope she will get caught after the adoption is final.

May 1st, 2004
Things are going well. ON May 18th we'll be going to court for the TPR and the adoption and I'll be done. In the evening we're going to have a party for our anniversary and the adoption. The weekend prior we'll be going to Madison for our anniversary. I'll be buying some new clothes for the kids.

May 19th, 2004

Even though Teresa was found, she didn't come to court and I'm now the REAL Mama to those kids. I'm glad it's over. we didn't go to Madison after all. Instead we went to the Cities. It was fun.

July 10th, 2004
I had to whip Jessica today. She's been picking on her sister and was getting really mean and didn't listen to me at all. Matter of fact, she seemed to do everything I told her not to do. When she kicked Emily I had enough and whooped her. Prior to that I had sent both of them up to their room for not being able to get along. I let them back downstairs for chores after they were int heir room for 1/2 hour. After I whooped Jessica it wasn't 5 minutes alter and I heard screams again. Jessica wouldn't let Emily in the Drawer to put her spoons away. Her excuse: "I didn't know she was putting the spoons away". However she did know. Emily had them in her hands. I sent her to bed at this point.

July 11th, 2004
It already started again this morning. I just sent Jessica and Emily to their rooms cause they were picking at each other, throwing toys, etc. Emily used a hand brush on the dog.

September 8th, 2004
Emily has been a little shit since school started. She stole her teachers lip gloss and she's been doing a lot of things she knows are wrong. She's also getting meaner toward Tydon.

September 19th, 2004
Emily took toys from Tydon and Jessica without asking. She dumped a bunch of water into the cat litter box. We found pencils and papers and cough drops and even a film in her bed stolen from the office. I've been locking the door so now other stuff is happening. Emily pushed Kesean over and played with cinder blocks, which she knew were off limits. They (Tydon too) went into the freezer and took ice cream and they stole candy out of the bag as well. Emily seems to go through a really bad time from September through November every year. We need help. She is totally out of control.

September 25th, 2004
I think I abused Emily today. Her butt is really red. I hope it's gone by tomorrow. I guess being wet and getting a spanking bare bottom doesn't mix very well. But there's a reason why she got it. Once again she was cutting the shower curtain. I surprised her by opening the curtain and she hit the razor behind her back, telling me she was washing her body. She climbed the shower to the top to get Jenny's razor and she had already cut some of the curtain off. The shower wall broke from her climbing. I feel like such a loser parent. I've tried everything now from being nice to being mean, from ignoring to taking all of her toys out of her room and nothing helps. And of course wonderful La Crosse's shrinks aren't doing anything to help her. I wish they could live with her for a few weeks. It's like the Devil takes residence in her at times. She's the child from hell. Anymore I wish she wouldn't live with us, but I aslo feel bad about wishing that. I need help with her. I'm getting back into those groups and I'm going to try to find someone willing to help her.

September 26th, 2004
Emily threw our new kitten (Monkey) in Jessica's face and the kitten scratched Jessica's neck. This evening Emily stuffed the kitten in a play drawer and wouldn't let her back out. She told me she hadn't seen the kitten when I asked her where she was. Emily frequently locks the older cat and dog into her room too. One time last year she pushed Precious down the stairs and the dog got hurt. God why is she so cruel?

October 2nd, 2004
I got an appointment with Emily on Monday. Her teacher called and complained about her being oppositional and inattentive. So I guess I have back-up now..it's not only the family anymore that wants something done about Emily's behavior. The kitten is getting along better and better with the dog and I think even Seven will get along with her sooner or later. Jessica had a really bad day today and I had to send her upstairs. Things are going great with Donny and we will be starting to try for a baby at the end of this month. So starting November I could get pregnant. I'm kinda wishing for another October child (Libra) and would like a boy, but would take a girl and at any other time of the year as well...lol. I'm really happy with my life. Things are going so well. I remember saying as a child that I'd be rich by the time I'd turn 40.. and I will be. We're pretty good off financially and boy are we rich in love.

October 3rd, 2004
Things are going good so far today. I'm working on my website again. Don't know for how long since we're going to buy the stuff for the porch/office tomorrow and then I'll have to start working on that again. One of these days I'll get the website to where I want it to be. I bought a few new books. Mostly to help me with Emily. One of them is called "The Defiant Child" by Dr. Douglas A. Riley. I skimmed through it and what scares me is that a lot of the things it talks about Conduct Disorder fit to Emily to a T. There doesn't seem to be much hope for kids like that. I hope I can at least raise these kids to a point where they finish High School and don't take drugs. That's my hopes for the two girls anyway. I would love to see them go to college, but I would be satisfied if they'd finish High School. Maybe the belief in Christ will help them stay straight. I pray for that.

October 7th, 2004
Tydon stole from Wal Mart yesterday. We made him bring it back and he wasn't too thrilled. I hope he learned a lesson. My Birthday was pretty good. We went to Country Kitchen for breakfast and then for dinner we went to Tequilas and they put the sombreros on David's and my head and smeared the free desert all over our faces. It was funny. I'm glad we chose Tequilas to go to. I really like David and my relationship. I think for him being a grown-up son we have a pretty darn good relationship. We see each other almost daily and we do some things together occasionally. I like spending time with him. Jenny on the other hand is a lot to herself. We hardly get to see her anymore. She's always gone, spending the night at her friends house, working or at school. I'm not going to stop her though. She will come around eventually I hope. I think she has a hard time dealing with the blended family cause of the problems we're having and she doesn't like the conflict, nor does she like that they mess with her stuff at times. I can totally understand that and it makes me mad that the three can't keep their fingers to themselves and out of Jenny's stuff. Well, soon I'll be ready to try to get pregnant again. I can't wait! I'm really excited about having another baby. I wish for a boy, but of course I'd be just as happy with a girl. If it's a boy he will be Benjamin Wesley (or maybe something else as a middle name because Tydon's is already Wesley) and if it's a girl she will be Cassandra Faye. Donny doesn't really care if it's a boy or girl. Mandy is going to have a girl and her name will be Heather Elisabeth. Jason is still a little cutie!.

October 9th, 2004
Today Tydon played the Chemist. I guess he learned from Emily. I got to get that out of him before it gets as bad as Emily. Emily however decided to stick the kitty in the toilet and shut the lit. Then she put her in the sink and held her down. When I was in the shower she held the kitty so tight Jessica came to her rescue and I heard screaming so loud I ran downstairs in nothing but a towel. Now I can't even go to the bathroom without Emily doing SOMETHING stupid. I'm not sure yet what her punishment will be. I told her I needed to wait until her Dad was up and we'd be talking about it. I told Tydon I feel like punching him in the face and he's lucky I can control my anger. He also ate most of the sugar cubes I had in the kitchen. Then he ate a banana, ate a bunch of Jessicas candy from the basement, went into the bathroom and ripped the birdy out of the nest and brought it upstairs, took my nasal spray (both empty containers) and played with them.. we still can't find one of them. And to top it all of he went into the fridge, drank all the juice (but didn't throw the bottle away) and ate butter out of the container. Emily did the dishes yesterday and they were so bad I just put everything back in the sink and am making her do them again. She used to be so good with that. Oh well... she'll do them over and over again if that's what it takes. I'm making Tydon do the bathroom. It kinda needed it anyway and he needs to burn the sugar off, so why not. I told Emily maybe we should put her face in the toilet and make her see what it feels like to be stuck there. I'm at a loss for words when it comes to being so cruel to the animals. And she just doesn't seem to give a shit at all. When I asked her if she really did that she answered "Yeah!" like "So what?... What are you going to do about it that effects me?" I'm sure we'll find something... oh am I sure!

October 10th, 2004
You would think they would learn, but no!! Today when I got up Tydon had stolen ice-cream and he had messed with the kitten food. Emily choked the kitten AGAIN! Then I found out that Tydon messed with the litter box again yesterday and he mixed the soap with BUTTER!!! It's getting better and better (I'm being sarcastic here). I'm so tired of all this shit, I just want it to stop. I feel like beating the living daylights out of these kids, but at the same time I KNOW that beating them won't help. We tried that. I think being in their room and not being able to play outside, nor having all their toys in their room is doing a better job then any beating could.

October 11th, 2004
I asked Donny yesterday if he ever looks at me and feels like he just fell in love again and he says yes. Me too! I look at him at times and I just have to squeeze him I love him so much. He's so much like me...loves so much like me it's incredible. I don't think I ever mentioned that I think he's my Twin-soul, not just my soulmate. There is a concept where everyone was one whole unit...boy and girl and then we got separated to start the journey of life... over and over again until we've learned our lessons.. then in the last life you are united with that twin soul you started out with. We both believe that's what we are. We're just so connected. People ask us all the time if we fight... we haven't even had a disagreement. There is no need to fight. We think alike and we do alike. We seem to have one brain. Heck, even our IQ is really close. I love this man sooo much. I know we can make it through the turbulences of raising Bipolar children, even if all of them are. It's just as temporary thing and we're permanent, so we can go through it knowing that one day this burden will be lifted too. One more month and I can get pregnant.

November 12th, 2004
I started writing the kids' stuff in the notebook I got from their counselor, so I don't have things to write in here so much anymore. Heather's due date was yesterday, but she is either very stubborn, or she just wants to be convenient and come on Saturday when everyone is off of work (except for Donny of course). It would be the perfect day, cause I only have one kid scheduled and if she has it early enough, we could even go out for Karaoke for a little while.. that would be neat. It's been a while that Donny was able to go with me. I'm getting really excited about Heather. And I could be pregnant now too. We actually tried to time it this month and we weren't right on, but close enough to where I could be. If I am the baby's due date would be on August 2nd, 2005. Who knows, it might be born on Donny's birthday.. that would be sweet. I have big plans for the daycare. we're almost done renovating the office and Stevie can start doing the stairwell late next week. That means we should have all of that done before Christmas even. The house is going to look so nice when I'm done. I just wish all the work and dirt would be done by now though..lol. It's going to be hard having our Thanksgiving dinner here with all the renovating going on... don't know how I'm going to do that yet. Maybe it won't even be that bad. I finally am getting my citizenship next month and I'll be finally done with my Commission and will have my credential. That's another two major things gone on my list.