January 2, 1987
I went to the doctor again today. My baby scared the living daylights out of me. We couldn't find the heartbeat at first, cause it was hiding. At the ultrasound though, it moved its arm. The head is now 2.5 cm.

January 8, 1987
This time we could hear the baby's heartbeat really loud and good. It grew quite a bit. I saw it move at the ultrasound. I actually begin to realize what I'm seeing on the ultrasound. I'm so happy. The risk of another miscarriage is pretty much zero by now. I think I can even feel the baby kick by now.

January 17, 1987
I'm now at the end of the 16th week and I felt the baby really good today. It's starting to kick pretty good.

January 23, 1987
I'm in the 17th week now and I have a picture of how my baby looks now. I love it already. I still have nightmares about losing my baby though.

February 2, 1987
I've been pregnant again since October. I'm so happy. David has been completely dry since yesterday (even at night). No more diapers! He weighs 31 lbs now and is 36 inches (3 feet) tall. He has all of his teeth and speaks so well, even German now. I'm so proud of him. We moved on December 29th to Baumholder Housing (bldg. 8021 2B). David now has a friend by the name of Josh and a girlfriend by the name of Tiffany. He loves to play with them. We got a cat yesterday. His name is Blacky. David loves the cat a lot. I cut David's hair today. Sometimes I get mad at him, but that's over with in 2 minutes. Sometimes I'm mad at Doug, cause he gets so weird when he gets mad at David and it takes so long for him to be good again. But I know he loves David too.

February 19, 1987
I'm in the 21st week now. I went to the doctor again today. I was scared that the baby wasn't developing right, but the doctor said it was ok. I just can't feel the baby kick very good, only softly.

March 20, 1987
Went to the doctor again and he told me it's going to be a girl. It would be so nice. My dream come true! I'm 31 weeks pregnant now. I still feel pretty good, but fat! My girl is now kicking pretty darn good as well.

April 28, 1987
A lot has happened lately. Doug is in Maryland since April 8th for training (TDY). On April 22nd, David fell and had to stay in the hospital for five days. I was with him the whole time. The doc thought he had a rip in his head, but the Computertommography found out that it wasn't so. He was able to come home this morning. The way it looks I might actually have a baby girl. At least that's what Dr. Haselmayer said. I guess we'll find out. David keeps giving it kisses on my bellybutton. He watches it kick too. We're going to fly to the US to be with Doug on May 6th. I miss him so much and I love him more than I could ever love anyone else. He's my one and only. It's hard to be separated from him. I hope all of my children will experience love like this.

June 22, 1987
We've been in the States for almost 2 months now. We live at the Motel Pierre, 1429 Pulaski Hwy, White Marsh, MD 21162 (route 40, Room 3). David already had a black eye and 3 stitches in his head since we've been here. He was playing with the girl from next door and she pushed him around in this play truck. She pushed him a little too fast and he fell off right on top of his head. He's not allowed to play with her anymore, cause every time they played together, something else happened. He got the black eye from Charlene in West Virginia. She was swinging and hit him in the eye with the swing. We went to Mom and Dad's house every weekend but one. The weekend we didn't go, we went to Mason and Donna's house, a friend of Doug's in Virginia. David made friends with their daughter Roasanna. We went to Washington DC to the zoo and Doug went fishing. It's still 6 days till I want to have my baby. I still feel pretty good, but the heat is bugging me. I have a job here at the hotel too. I sweep, mow the grass and clean the rooms, whatever they need me for. We went boat riding in West Virginia and Doug went water-skiing. Now we're going to stay here until the baby is born. Doug has to get up every morning at 4:00 am and doesn't get back home until 6:00 pm or later. David weighs 32 lbs now. Oh well, that's all for now.

June 30, 1987
I started bleeding yesterday around 4:30 pm. The doctor said I had an opening of about a finger width. Around 4:00 am I started having contractions. Mom and Dad came to pick up David earlier this morning. I'm glad he didn't cry. I miss him already. At 10:00 am I went back to the doctor and she said it only opened a slight bit more and that it will still be a little while.

July 1, 1987
Today Jenny was born at 5:44 am. David will see her this weekend for the first time.

July 3, 1987
July 1st was the big day. At 2:00 am I called Dr. Kulkarni. My contractions came 4 to 6 minutes apart. The doc told me to start heading to the hospital. Doug said that I should wait longer, cause it was too early. We headed there anyhow and got there around 2:45 am. They checked me for the first time around 3:15 am. I only was dilated to 3-4 cm. I was pretty disappointed. I already was in labor for 23 hours and now I thought I was going to have a long night. Doug had to go to work at 3:45 am, but I really didn't care, cause the contractions were pretty strong. Then at 4:00 am it really started. I threw up and my water broke. At 4:30 am Dr. Kulkarni came in and checked again. I was dilated to 7-8 cm. At 4:40 am I started to yell for medication. They told me I had to wait. At 5:00 am I called for a nurse and told them that I HAD to push. Everyone thought I was crazy. Dr. Kulkarni said she was going to check me again and then give me some medication. She checked and I was 10 cm dilated. I was allowed to push once and then they moved me to the delivery room. I had to wait 4 or 5 contractions before I was allowed to push again and then 4 times and Jenny Marlene was born. She weighed 8 lbs 1 ounce and was 48 cm tall, blonde hair and blue eyes. My prayed for little girl. Today we drove to West Virginia. Boy was I happy to see my little David again. He loves his little sister. He already held her, fed her, diapered her and kissed her. Jealous? I don't think so! I now have a lap again too and can even put both, David AND Jenny on it.

July 7, 1987
I cried again today. For two reasons. I miss Doug so much. I can't wait till Friday when he's going to be back here. And then I cried cause of David. Everything is only grandma grandma. He doesn't even want me anymore. It almost looks like he loves his grandma more than he loves me. I miss that he comes running to me and wanting a kiss. He even wants to sleep with grandma. I love him so much. It hurts that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

July 24, 1987
Jenny smiled for the first time. David got her first smile, me the second.

July 25, 1987
Jenny lost her umbilical cord end today. I'm glad!

July 28, 1987
I love my daughter very much, but I would give a lot just to sleep through one night again and my bleeding would stop. Doug keeps wanting to sleep with me, but it's hard for me for three reasons. Doug is mad at me for not wanting to. He just doesn't understand. I am SOOO tired and what about making the bed bloody..it's not ours! And besides, I don't know if bleeding for so long is a sign for something bad and if I would bleed even more if we were to sleep together. I'm sad about Doug not understanding.

August 28, 1987
We're having a lot of fun. Finally we're back in our normal environment. Even with Doug and I everything is back to normal. Jenny still doesn't sleep through the night, but I can handle it better now. She smiles a lot and hardly ever cries. She's such a sweet little girl. I hope we'll get along as well as we are now when she is a Teenager. I love her a lot. David loves her a lot as well. David is a wonderful boy too. Even Doug plays with Jenny.

September 1, 1987
Jenny weighs 11 lbs 11 ounces and is 55 cm tall.

September 10, 1987
David is now wearing a size 4 and his shoe size is 24. He talks as well as a grown-up. I'm so proud of him. He helps me a lot and I can feel how much he loves me. I hope we'll still get along as good as now in 10 years from now. I'm already scared that he will go the wrong way, maybe end up doing drugs or something when he gets older. It' so dangerous, but Teenagers don't see that all the time. Especially when their friends try to get them to take drugs. I'm glad I only tried this stuff once when I was 17. To try to leave reality and go to a dream world sounds enticing at times, but it's not what it's cracked up to be. It's too high of a risk. So much can happen. Jenny slept 8 hours through the night yesterday. Today it was 9 1/2 hours. I'm giving her oatmeal into the bottle so she's not so hungry during the night.

October 1, 1987
Today was a great day. Rita came to visit from Taunusstein. We were supposed to have a Halloween party, but most of the people I had invited didn't show up. Besides Rita, there were Glenn Farley and Chris Overfelt. Glenn liked Rita and she liked him. I hit it just right. That's what I had planned for in the first place. I still can't believe that they really are together. I always thought Rita and my taste for guys were so different, but she liked the one I wanted her to like this time. Well, Glenn is a nice guy. Chris left as soon as Rita and Glenn "found" each other. I don't care. Right now Doug is asleep and Rita and Glenn are watching a horror movie. I'm getting a little tired too. It's funny, it's easier to write in English now. I guess it's cause I always think in English. That way I don't have to think so hard, I just write. Jenny already weighs 15 1/2 lbs. She's really good at night now as well. She sleeps about 8 - 10 hours. David still loves her a lot. He weighs 34 1/2 lbs. and is 1 Meter tall. He is a good-looking baby and hopefully he will be a handsome young man. Well, I'm going to finish now.

October 8, 1987
Nicole, my penpal, was visiting me last week. It was really nice. I guess I'm still getting along pretty good with 13 year olds. I hope that will stay this way when Jenny gets to be that age. I would like to be her friend, not just her parent. We're going to Spain tomorrow. I can't wait!