February 17, 1983
There wasn't a whole heck of a lot going on at the Western Saloon. Carl, Bo, Moses and a few girls were there. I danced slow-dance with Carl. He's from New York. Moses is Libra too. Today I met Don's new girlfriend Maike.She's actually pretty nice. I went to the city today. A girl (Petra) started talking to me and asked for a smoke. I bought a postcard (I have a dream). I started taping a tape for Paul. Rita stopped by and I told her my dream. I miss Paul. I can't wait till October. I got into a fight with Dad, cause I go out so much. I called Andreas about the drive to the Seminar tomorrow. The evening was nice.

February 18, 1983
I watched some kind of movie this morning. I went to the city with the bus and ate at Burger King. I met Anette at the train station. Andreas picked us up and we went to the Seminar. I showed Michael Paul's cards. Andreas is really nice. He always drives me to the Seminars. I didn't have anymore money. I miss Paul. I got a C in the BWL test and in book-keeping. I got to Wiesbaden at 7:30 and stopped back at the Western Saloon for a half hour today. Rita was already there. Moses gave her some cream for her hand. I thought Don was going to go to the maneuvers today, but he's not leaving until tonight. He didn't give us a welcome kiss today.. I think probably cause of Maike. She got there as we were leaving. I got home around 9 pm. I got a test done. I'll know how I did tomorrow.

February 19, 1983
I rode with Andreas back to the Seminar today. I tested with a B, C and D once. Pretty good all together. I don't think I'll fail in the real thing. I can't wait to see Paul again. I'm not sure if I'm going to get my drivers license in Germany yet. I helped Rita clean her room. I slept at her house too. There was a lot of work.

February 20, 1983
We continued cleaning Rita's room as soon as we woke up. It was too much work. This evening we went to the Western Saloon. It was great. I was totally crazy today. A lot of people watched me. Some laughed about it. I danced through the whole New German Wave and hardrock. Maike was there too. She taught me the Western dance. Later I danced a slow-dance with Carl. It was really nice. I have to go to work tomorrow. Yuck! I miss Paul. I have to finish up the tape for Paul..it's about time. I just don't seem to find the time. Oh well, I'll get it done soon. Latest by Wednesday afternoon. I love Paul!

February 21, 1983
I went to work today. My Boss will ask where there is a Toom Market in Texas. He said I might be able to get something in management. I told Mom about it, but she thinks it's all just in my head and I'm not going to leave. Well, she'll see. Paul is waiting for me. Rita came down for a little while. Her room looks cool now. I changed my room around too now. Looks cool. I took Rita's medicine cabinet that she gave me and put pictures and stuff on it. I only put letters from Paul and Rita in it. I'm going to take it with me to the States.

February 22, 1983
My boss told me today that starting in June there wasn't any more room for me at Toom Market, cause my learning period was over. I had to ask if I can leave in June to go to the States, but no. Mom won't let me. She called my boss and now I'm going to end up somewhere in Wiesbaden. I went to the Western Saloon with Rita. It was the first Happening Time at the Western Saloon. It was Sauerkraut eating. Too bad it didn't start until we had to leave. It's all messed up. Here I thought I was going to see Paul earlier than planned..but no. Too bad.

February 23, 1983
Today there was a life show with Kevin. It was great. Rita wants to break up with Bobby.

February 27, 1983
I went to the Hainer Berg this morning with Nathan and Tracey. I took care of Ricky. I bought some really cool cards for Paul. I went to eat American for $2.50. I liked it I went to the Foodland and the Bookstore. I went to the Western Saloon again in the evening. Rita came later too. Carl is a nice guy. I danced slow-dance with him again. He gave me his address. He's still going to be in Germany for another month.

February 28, 1983
I slept until shortly before noon.

March 2, 1983
Kevin was at the Western Salon again. Carl fell in love with me. Kevin sang "Take me home country roads".

March 16, 1983
The houseband played at the Western Salon today. It was great. The owner can sing pretty darn good.

March 19, 1983
I gave Carl the goodbye card. He was happy to get it

March 21, 1983
Today was Carl's last day at the Western Saloon. I was so drunk. I partied with Daddy (his real name is Lloyd, others call him Bull) for his birthday. He bought all the drinks for me. Ernie introduced me to Doug today. He's really cute and I liked him right away. He brought me to the hitch-hiking place. We made a date for next week.

March 23, 1983
Today Patrick(Pat) hit on me. We stayed at the Western Saloon till 10:30 pm, cause Rita participated in a game with Bo with "Negrokisses".

March 24, 1983
Pat thinks he's my boyfriend, but he's too crazy. How am I going to tell him that?

March 26, 1983
Paul’s letter helped me. I showed it to him. Doug was there. He's very sensitive. I like him a lot. We might see each other again Friday. We danced slow-dance all lovy dovy. I think he's neat. I was a little tipsy.

March 29, 1983
Today was Happening time again. You had to roll your partner completely in toilette paper. It's over between Maike and Don..I think for good. I saw Michael L.

March 30, 1983
Kevin was supposed to play again at the Western Saloon today, but he's sick. I was totally crazy again today.

April 1, 1983
Today I went to the Western Saloon again. Without Rita. She moved today. No dancing was allowed. Doug went to Munich. When I stood in front of the door, Joe was hitting on me. He said I was a nice looking girl. Then when I walked by some table a boy said "She's cute".

April 13, 1983
I went to the Western Saloon again. Kevin signed my book too. Gunnar gave me a picture for "Memories of the Western". He said he thinks it's cool. Kevin sang "Take me home country roads" for me.

April 15, 1983
Hutch thinks "Memories of Western" is cool too. He said it's cute. Klaus is mean(just kidding). He read it. He said he wants to hear something good.

April 16, 1983
Was at the Western Saloon like always. Michael has a girlfriend.

May 4, 1983
They have a new guy at the door. Dieter isn't there anymore. The new guy is totally stupid. I didn't even like him too much the very first time I saw him. He doesn't fit to the Western Saloon, cause everyone else is so cool. But him...yuck! I thought it was so cute that they read my card from Paris over the microphone.

May 7, 1983
Klaus was at the door again today. He's cool. Kevin isn't going to be there now for a long time. Too bad!

May 17, 1983
They had a Spaghetti eating contest and I was part of it. I won the first time, but I lost the second time. I won a beer stein. I'm glad the dumb ass at the door isn't there anymore. He started getting a little better, but nevertheless!

May 18, 1983
Some girl from England played at the Western Saloon today. She sang mostly songs no one knew, but other than that she was pretty good.

May 21, 1983
I forgot all about this. Rita met a guy, a friend of Pauls. His name is Chris and he's already leaving Germany to go back to the States again on Thursday. He wasn't there today, but Michael P. and HB were. We had a lot of fun. Hutch was there as well.

May 23, 1983
I was only at the Western Saloon for a hour.

May 24, 1983
It was Happening time again at the Western Saloon. They tied the guys to a chair (Doug and Don) and 3 girls were putting make-up on them. Doug ended up being the most colorful.

May 25, 1983
I talked to Gabi (the bartender) today. I drank a Tequila Sunrises and hit on some institutional crazy hazy brother. Got tired of that and quit. Talked to Rocky for a little while. Then goofed around with Moses, Bull and Bo.

June 1, 1983
Rosi showed me an American today whom she was in Mainz with yesterday. She was meeting someone else today and wondered how to deal with it. I saw him and thought he was really cute looking. Claudia sat at the same table as he did, so I saw my chance to maybe get to know him a little. Since I had just started collecting addresses for Houston, I wen to Claudia and asked her to give me her address. She wanted mine too, so I wrote it down. The guy looked at me and asked me if he could have my address as well. I gave it to him and he gave me his. His name is Douglas B., so it's another Doug! I stayed at that table of course and kept looking at him. He and his friends later played with coasters. I smiled at Doug and told him his friend had fake cards. Both guys laughed. Then I ended up with a coaster on my head. I didn't know from whom, but after I played with it for a little while, I threw it in Doug’s direction. That's how it went back and forth for a while until DJ Hutch got mad at us. After that, Doug let me have a few sips off of his beer. Later we danced to the slow-song "up where we belong" from Jennifer Warnes and Joe Cocker. After the dance I sat right next to him. At 10:00 pm I asked Doug if he would bring me to the place where I always hitch-hiked home. He told me he had a car and drove me home. Since Rita slept at her sisters house who went to Hamburg, I asked my parents if I could spend the night over there, but she wouldn't hear of it. I asked her if I could at least stay over there for another hour and after some back and forth I was allowed to go. So we all went to her house. We drank some Bacardi and listened to some music. After a while, Doug and I started to cuddle. I ended up being 1/2 hour late and I got in trouble for it. Doug and I made a date for Saturday. All in all, it was a great day.

June 2, 1983
I went to the Western again today. I didn't really want to go today at first, but Rita talked me into it and I'm glad she did. Around 8:30 pm Doug showed up. It took quite a long time before we got comfortable with each other again, but when we danced a slow-dance together, I think we were both pretty happy. At 10:00 pm, we went to McDonalds and afterward we brought Rita home. Then he drove me to Oma's house where I slept. On the way to Wiesbaden from Hahn, I took the steering wheel over. He has a wine-red Volkswagen Bug. I had a lot of fun. We made a date for tomorrow at 7:00 pm at the Western Saloon. I can't wait!

June 3, 1983
Doug and I were supposed to meet at 7:00 pm, but he didn't show until about 7:30 pm. He said he went to a friend's house prior. I did get the promised call at 5:30 pm, and he said he was going to be at the Western at 7:00 pm, but he still came 35 minutes too late. Oh well, what counts is that he DID come. We ended up staying at the Western until 9:00 pm, then we drove around town with Rita. Just of a sudden Rita spotted some old friends of ours and we drove after them. I'm surprised Doug did all that, cause afterward we drove around several different places looking for the other part of our friends. At 10:15 pm we went to McDonalds where I saw Willy. I told Doug about him being my old boyfriend. Afterward Doug brought Rita and myself home. I took over the steering-wheel again.

June 4, 1983
I had a date with Doug at 2:00 pm today. I was at the train-station at 1:50 pm. Doug was already there. What I didn't really like was that he had a friend with him. But I did end up liking Jeff once I got to know him. He also had a dog with him. We went to the Hainer Berg and I met Joe and Kim, the owners of the dog. Then we all went into Kim's car and drove to the Frankfurt Zoo. I ended up ripping my pants on the side panel of the door. My knee too. Doug played nurse and put a Band-Aid on. My nice red pants... oh well! Before we went back home, we went to eat Pizza in Frankfurt. Then we took Doug’s Bug and drove to Rita's house. I took the steering over again. Rita wasn't home. Then we went to Bleidenstadt to the Fairgrounds and Doug taught me to drive his Bug. First Jeff just watched, then he got back in. Then Doug took me back home.

June 5, 1983
Today Doug came 10 minutes early. WE went to Kim's house and barbecued and played cards. Rita was with us. Then Doug told me I should go home. I took his car-keys, told him, and drove once around the street. Doug was really mad at me. He said he was mad at himself, but I was still sad about it. Later we went to the Western and danced to "Up where we belong". At Kim's house he wanted me to write him a letter, so I wrote "I love you". Today was the first time that he told me he loved me. He had his first girl-friend when he was 15 years old. It lasted 2 years. He went out with Susi prior to me. I know her from the Western Saloon. Hutch is really nice. He played our slow-dance. Cool!

June 6, 1983
Doug is gone today. He drove to Giessen with the military. He won't be back till the end of the week. I already miss him and this is only the first day.

June 7, 1983
I went to the Western Saloon today after I finished my testing for my sales school with a B. I was really happy with the result. The second surprise was when I saw Doug at my seat. He already came back form Giessen today. It was really nice. I love him.

June 8, 1983
I went and got the developed pictures today from the day when Doug, Joe, Kim, Jeff and I went to the Frankfurt Zoo. They turned out really nice. I would like to show Mom the pictures, cause of Doug. Later I went to the Western with Doug. Before that though I went to the Park with Rita. Doug and I had a date there, but Doug came pretty late.

June 9, 1983
Today I went to the Western with Doug again. Late, after I got home, I showed Mom the pictures and told her about Doug. Dad was really mad, cause he's American, but Mom took over my side. I heard them fight about it when they were already in bed. Doug is coming to my house tomorrow.

June 10, 1983
Today was our big day. Doug was just as nervous as I was. When he rang the doorbell Mrs. Herrschen was still there. He came with a nice bouquet of flowers which he gave to my Mom. Frau Herrschen was very impressed by Doug and Mom liked him too. Papa didn't have anything against him and Gerhard doesn't either. In the evening we went to the Western with Manuela.

June 11, 1983
Today, Doug, his friend Don, Manuela and I went to the Holiday Park. Doug and I had a computer picture done of us. It was great. In the evening we went to the Western and afterward to the Golden Angel. We drove Manuela home and then to my house. I love Doug.

June 12, 1983
Today I showed Doug where I'm going to start working on Monday. He wants to pick me up tomorrow. I am sooo happy! Today I met John, Patrizia, Michael and Diane Thompson.

June 13,1983
I totally forgot yesterday, that Doug was supposed to be in Giessen from today through Thursday, but he came back in the afternoon and was still able to pick me up from work. I was really happy to see him!

June 14, 1983
Doug picked me up from work again. Compared to Toom, I like it there even less. Doug ended up coming to my house.

June 15, 1983
Again, Doug came and picked me up from work. We went to the Western for just a few minutes and then to my house. Rita is mad at me, cause I spend so much time with Doug and not enough with her. I'm glad though that I finally have someone else and I don't have to rely on her ALL the time. She already disappointed me enough. Doug is so gentle and I feel so secure with him.

June 16, 1983
Doug picked me up from work and we went to my house.

June 17, 1983
We went to the Western Saloon with Manuela today. Afterward we all went to John and Patrizia's house.

June 18, 1983
Doug, Manuela, John and I went bowling today. We met up with Patrizia, John, Michael and Diane. I lost of course. Manuela, John, Doug and I went to my house afterward. Mom and Dad were pissed cause I brought Manuela and John home with me.

June 19, 1983
This day was beautiful, even though there were a few bad things that happened. Doug’s friends had a severe car accident. The wife died and the man is in the hospital. He is paralyzed and can only move his head. Doug, Manuela and I went to a car-race. Afterward we drove to McDonalds. Then we drove Manuela home and went to my house. Before that we went to John T's house. At my house, Doug was very gentle and we cuddled. I never had a boy give me so much love. I was totally high and it was wonderful. When I think about it now, my whole body starts to shake. I love him more than anything.

June 20, 1983
Doug picked me up from work again and we went to my house. We stopped for a few minutes at Rita's house where I picked up a letter from Paul and one from Rita. After we got back to my house, I wrote Doug a letter about my sexual feelings toward him and my thoughts toward him. I wrote that I'm still a Virgin and that I never gone that far with anyone. Even Paul wasn't that close to me.

June 21, 1983
We've been together for exactly 3 weeks today. I was off of work today. Rita and I went to the city. I bought Doug a birthday present. It's a lighter that I had personalized with our song on one side and I love you, Monika on the other. All together it cost me 70 DM. Rita and I went to the movies and watched Benji. I was mad, cause when Doug and I met at McDonalds at 5:30 pm, I found out that he got off of work at 1:00 pm. He got a haircut today and we even met shortly before 1:00 pm in front of the movies. He was in his work clothes. He didn't know yet that he didn't have to go back to work. Later, Doug and I went to my house. It was really nice except that my Mom came into the room.

June 22, 1983
Doug picked me up from work and we drove to my house. It was really nice.

July 16, 1983
Today we had Grillfest. Doug was here too and we went in early and it happened for the first time. I got the pill a while back. I saw stars. He was very gentle and nice.

August 9, 1983
Doug has to work late again today. I thought of us a lot again today. I'm really proud of him. The love I feel for him is so different. He's soooo, above everything in the world. Our love to each other is like a dream. I never thought of love like this. I never thought that my heart could be so selfless and that no mistake on my part could ever hurt so much. I love him!

November 4, 1983
I cried today. At first I cried when I first woke up this morning, cause I had a terrible dream. Doug and I were going to separate and stuff. Well, that's over with thank goodness. We're not going to go to Holland, cause of the money. Doug still has to pay $300 for the dishes for his Mom and then he's done. And we're going to buy the couch this month. Then I cried again, cause Doug said he gave me a whole bunch of money and he didn't. I hope he's going to give me enough money this month or we won't be able to buy the furniture. When it comes to money, Doug is really funky. I hope he will change in that regard. Well, the main thing is: I love him!

November 6, 1983
I hope your husband/wife will try to understand you in every way and try to get along with you regardless, cause your Daddy doesn't. It hurts so much when I have to tell him I can't sleep with him, cause it hurts me. He doesn't understand my ovarian problems I have and he doesn't seem to care. He even tells me I'm just acting like I'm hurting so I don't have to have sex with him, that's so mean! He knows they almost kept me in the hospital cause of my ovaries. I wish he would just once experience the pain I feel. I love him and it hurts tremendously that he thinks that I'm lying to him. I would love to sleep with him, but it hurts too much. I feel so badly. Why can't my husband, who supposedly loves me so much, understand my being ill. Why? I hope we will be able to understand and trust each other. Cross your fingers that your Daddy will change.

November 8, 1983
You're not born yet, but I'm still writing everything, so you will know what my life looks like and how I felt when I was your age. You will have a hard life, cause we will always move with the military, but I want to make your life, as well as all of my other future children's life as beautiful as possible. I hope you will have a deep trust in me, because I want to be able to help you in any type of situation. I hope you will tell me things that are not so good, but I will try to understand anyhow. Please don't hide your first boy/girl friend, cause that's one of the biggest things in your life. A new part of life starts. I love you and your brothers/sisters already.

December 2, 1983
Today I feel really icky again. Doug is really nice to me though. Rita, my "best friend" really disappointed me. She stole $50 from me. Now I don't have a friend anymore. My dog is nice. Doug and I want to have a baby. I hope it will be a girl. Well, if you are a boy, then Doug wants you to be Dirk. The main thing is that you'll be healthy! I love your Dad more than anything!!